Thursday, March 7, 2024

Ramblemania Rewind 09 - WWF Wrestlemania IX (1993)

Date: April 4th, 1993
Venue: Caesars Palace - Las Vegas, NV
Attendance: 16,891

(Note: The following post was written prior to the McMahon lawsuit from January 2024).

There was a time and place when Wrestlemania IX would've been considered one of, if not THE WORST, Wrestlemania of all time. And there was a time and place where that may have been true. But in the decades since this show's inception, there have been a number of Wrestlemanias to come along that have managed to outsuck this show to such a degree that I'd have a hard time trying to place this show in the Bottom 5. Yes, I can think of five Wrestlemanias that are far worse than this... and no, it won't take long to find out which of those shows take the cake. Hell, if you've been following this blog for who knows how long... first off, my condolences... but second off, you would probably have a good idea as to which shows I'm referring to.

Now, with that in mind, is Wrestlemania IX a better show than perceived? No... no, this is still a largely bad show. This show was inducted into Wrestlecrap. It's a worthy induction into Wrestlecrap. It is not a hidden gem or misunderstood classic. This show fucking blows... but what I'm saying is that it doesn't blow as much as other Manias that have come along since. Hell, I'd argue that Wrestlemania V is a worse show than Wrestlemania IX. And so many other Wrestlemanias have come along that are far worse than this show that this gets bumped up the list by proxy.

Make no mistake; this is still a bad show. It's just not Dino Bravo bad. It's not the worst.

Tatanka defeated Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels via DQ due to Shawn pulling out the ref from the ring... a weak finish to an otherwise okay match... by Shawn standards, at least. By Tatanka standards, this was amazing. Also worth noting, Shawn and Sherri have since broken up and Shawn now has Luna Vachon as a manager... I'd imagine that didn't last long.

Rick and Scott Steiner defeated Headshrinkers Samu and Fatu. You've got four big brutes just beating the living piss out of each other and really, that's all you could have asked for here. Now if Wrestlemania IX ended on that note and comprised these first two matches alone, it would be the greatest Wrestlemania of all time. Sadly, the show continues and the drop off is biblical.

Doink The Clown (Matt Borne) pinned Crush when another Doink came out to distract Crush and... you know, I don't completely hate the idea of there being multiple Doinks. With a bit of forward thinking, you could've had done a feud with a top guy where he'd have to deal with a whole bunch of fake Doinks before eventually facing off against the real deal, who would or would not have been Matt Borne. Hell, maybe Borne himself is one of the fake Doinks and you could have the real Doink be played by somebody else. Of course, all of this is dependent on Doink remaining an evil clown and not being paired up with mini-Doinks while turning face, which is what I think happened eventually. Oh, and the match was a thing that happened. That's all there is to it.

Razor Ramon defeated Bob Backlund in a short match - not much else to say here. Backlund was not yet Mr. Crazy Man with the giant vocabulary - he was just the returning veteran who jobbed to the younger guys.

WWF Tag-Team Champions Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster) defeated The MegaManiacs (Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake) via DQ for some reason. I guess the ref, while unconscious, knew Hogan hit the other guys with Brutus' face mask that he wears to protect his face (due to a parasailing accident) and somehow called the DQ. Also, Hogan and Beefcake celebrating with the tag titles after Jimmy Hart - who is just their manager and NOT the designated WWF official - makes the three count? What the fuck is that supposed to be? The match itself is incredibly dull, boring, and slow capped off with a total fuck finish that made no sense. What a way to end Hogan's last Wrestlemania match... if only.

"The Narcissist" Lex Luger defeated Mr. Perfect in a match that wasn't as great as I thought it was going to be. Luger, of course, had the loaded forearm that he hit Perfect with and then got him the win. After the match, Perfect tried to chase Luger, but was attacked by Shawn Michaels, kicking off that feud presumably. My guess is Perfect never got his revenge on Luger... which explains next year's Wrestlemania... but I digress.

The Undertaker defeated Giant Gonzales via DQ when Gonzales stuffs a rag full of chloroform into Undertaker's face... yes, that's right. The third win in the legendary Undertaker Wrestlemania Streak was a fucking DQ. What a lame ass fucking finish. Fortunately, Undertaker recovers and deliver enough shots to get Gonzales off his feet and he retreats. This is the bit that gets replayed every time they hype up TEH STREAK... this bit happens AFTER the match... but don't tell anyone.

Yokozuna defeated WWF Champion Bret "Hitman" Hart via salt to the eyes from Mr. Fuji while Bret had Yoko trapped in the Sharpshooter and then flattened to win the title. Then Hulk Hogan comes out to cry foul, which prompts Mr. Fuji to challenge Hogan to a match against Yokozuna for the title, which Hogan, of course, accepts and then after a minute or so of shenanigans, Hogan pins Yokozuna to win his fifth WWF Championship and end Yoko's 1st reign before it even began. And of course, ever the sportsman and company loyalist, Hogan would then proceed to do absolutely fuck all in the WWF (merely content in doing matches in Japan in hopes of getting an IWGP title match against then-champion The Great MUTA) before dropping the title back to Yokozuna in JUNE. Ah, that Huckster. What a great guy. He can kiss my ass.

And that's Wrestlemania IX, kids. The show sucked, the first two matches were great, but the rest of it can fly a kite. And so can the Hulkster.

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