Wednesday, December 6, 2023

WWF Survivor Series 2000

This show is memorable for one reason and one reason only... but what about the rest of it?


The Lethal Weapon Steve Blackman, Crash Holly and Molly Holly defeated TNA... no, wait, sorry, force of habit. I guess we should blame Russo for being an unoriginal hack when he came up with the name for the Jarretts' new 2002 promotion... so they defeated Test and Albert and Trish Stratus, who isn't quite the star performer that she'd be in a few years. The match was just there to fill a void.

The Radicalz (Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn) defeated THE ONE Billy Gunn, Chyna, K-Kwik and Road Dogg in a traditional Survivor Series match that is just there to fill the void - not very exciting. K-Kwik is the future R-Truth and both he and Roadie were doing the rapping gimmick before it was just Kwik before he was eventually let go so he could be a racist black man in the Jarretts' new 2002 promotion. Holy fuck, I'm trying to get away from TNA and still this fucker haunts me!

Kane defeated Chris Jericho in a thing that happened because Jericho spilled coffee over Kane at catering... yes, this is the height of sports entertainment storytelling in the worldwide leader of such things. This was a decisive win for Kane, who took both of Jericho's big moves and was able to finish the youngster off with a single chokeslam. Oh well.

European Champion William Regal defeated Hardcore Holly via DQ when Holly attacked with the title belt. Who is the heel supposed to be here? Anyway, this match did nothing for me.

The Rock defeated Rikishi in what I can charitably call the first real decent match of the night, but Rikishi, upset that he was put down by the dreaded PEOPLE'S ELBOW, would down Rocky and hit him with a bunch of Banzai Drops... so why couldn't he just win the match? It's not like he's in there with McSon-In-Law or anything. It's DUH ROCK! I'm sure he'd help a brother out!

Oh... never mind.

Women's champion Ivory (deep in her RTC phase) defeated Lita to retain the title... I like Ivory when she's being Ivory. This was not Ivory being Ivory. This was her doing a gimmick to poke fun at the people who slammed WWF product and I was mildly annoyed that this wasted my time.

Meanwhile, Jericho beats up Kane some more backstage, asking if Kane wants cream and sugar with that... well, at least he was kind to ask.

WWF Champion Kurt Angle defeated the Undertaker via the ol' swap places with his similar looking but not exactly twin brother routine that somehow Undertaker fell for and that allowed Kurt Angle to get the sneaky pin to retain the title. That is pretty much the only real takeaway I got from this match, which was really a nothing happening match.

The Dudley Boyz and The Hardy Boyz  defeated Edge and Christian and Right to Censor members Bull Buchanan and The Goodfather (and Val Venis tags along too) in a traditional Survivor Series style match that sees all the RTC guys go through tables... meh.

The main event between Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H ended in a no-contest via shenanigans. Austin hits Hunter with a Stunner, then goes for a chair, but Hunter bails and Austin chases him to the back. Austin gets ambushed by the Radicalz, who are eventually disposed of, but gives HHH time to get in his car, ready to run Austin over again... but then Stone Cold arrives with a forklift and lifts HHH off the ground. Hunter pleads for his life, but Austin doesn't bite and flips the car over, causing Hunter to yelp "HOLY SHIT!" before the car lands roof first with a sickening thud.

Look, this whole show is kind of a dud. I wasn't really into it... but that ending sure made me smile. It was ridiculous, it was hokey, HHH's performance was so over the top it shattered the ceiling before they replaced it with a new one, and it was the sort of thing I'd expect from a Steve Austin angle at this point. That's my one big takeaway from this show; that ending.

And of course, Triple H would be back on TV a couple weeks later. How the fuck do you bitch about other people not selling big moves when you can even sell getting dropped on your head in a car by a forklift several dozen feet in the air?

So only one more WWF 2000 PPV is left to go... the six-man Hell In A Cell...

That's going to be interesting, I guess.

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