Sunday, March 12, 2023

This Mutant Mayhem Thing... It's Gonna Suck, Isn't It?

So Paramount released a trailer for their newest animated feature take on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles entitled Mutant Mayhem - you know, the one conceived by Seth Rogan... I guess. I'd supply a trailer, but I honestly don't want to. And quite frankly, you can pretty much tell by the title of this post that I don't have any positive vibes regarding this.

So I guess this stilted Spider-Verse 5 FPS animation style is a thing because that's something they're doing here and it looks awful. I mean, we're at a point where we could have the smoothest, slickest animation in either hand-drawn or CG-rendered style that we could really hang our hats on and what passes as art is something goes "Let's make this choppy and WORSE."

Even setting that aside, the overall art style and character designs are just so bad. I get wanting to make the Turtles more like teenagers, but it feels like I'm watching Muppet Babies with Ninja Turtles. The overall tone of the whole deal feels a bit off. It seems like they're aiming more towards goofy comedy with weird innuendo things that only the grown-ups will get. I'd be surprised if the people behind this thing realize the whole reason for the Turtles being a thing in the first place; they're turtles that do cool ninja shit. Seth Rogan wouldn't know cool ninja shit if it bit him in the ass.

And wait, is that Splinter with an afro? What the fuck am I watching here? I'm not even going to touch the thing that's implied to be this movie's version of April O'Neil. There's a bunch of other people doing that already and quite honestly, my issues with this one trailer go beyond merely a new take on that character... or at least, that's what I'm presuming... unless it's supposed to be another character entirely, in which case... I'm rolling my eyes here... 

I'll be blunt here, folks. I am not feeling this one. This teaser trailer hasn't left the strongest first impression. With that having been said, however, I have not totally soured on this thing. This isn't a Ghostbusters 2016 deal where one bad trailer was all it took to decide that this wasn't worth my time. This is more Star Trek Beyond Teaser that plays Beastie Boys and you're just rolling your eyes at the whole thing... but then Beyond shot out a second trailer that did a better job of selling the movie. So my mindset is that the next trailer will do a better job of selling this thing than this did.

One thing is certain; I am not watching this in theatres. I'm at the point where if I'm going to watch a movie at a theatre, it'd better be worth the damned effort and this doesn't quite reach that point. This is more "wait until it hit Netflix" or something like that. Or maybe grab a cheap DVD. Either way, from the teaser alone, the feeling I have is that this Mutant Mayhem thing... well, it's probably gonna suck, isn't it?

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

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