Wednesday, August 24, 2022

WWE Summerslam 2022

I had a somewhat cute little intro about Summerslam in July, but honestly, I wasn't feeling it.

I missed the show when it aired lived; had a nice road trip that day with the family and when I got back, I really wasn't feeling in the mood to do anything but sleep, so I held off until a week or so later. Of course, the musings for this show are only happening now because I wanted to get the last two Summerslams out of the way first.

So it's live from Nashville and it's a stadium show, surprisingly enough. So it looks different from the usual homogenized sets they usually use.

RAW Women's Champion Bianca Belair defeated Becky Lynch and whatever stupid outfit she has on this week in a perfectly acceptable little match to retain the title - it was fine, nothing special. Then, they hug and make up, which brings up BAYLEY, who is back from hibernation vacation, DAKOTA KAI, who is back from being future endeavored, and IO SHIRAI, who is just Io Sky... Finally, we've got some fresh meat in this staler than stale women's division on the main roster.

Logan Paul - you know, the Youtube guy - defeated the Miz in what was surprisingly a good match, which goes to show that this Logan Paul fellow may be a natural in this business if he's able to carry THE MIZ to a good match. I don't know why he insists on trying to be the beloved babyface when it's plainly obvious that nobody likes this fucker.

There's a bit with something called the Maximum Male Models, featuring some girl and the man formerly known as LA Knight formerly known as Eli Drake behind a couple dudes fashioning some stuff. Is there a joke I need to be in on in order to understand this rubbish?

United States champion Bobby Lashley defeated MiTB Job Guy THEORY - WWE has some stupid fucking names - in a short five minute thing to retain the title. Why is this worthy of a spot on a "premium" live event? What was exactly "premium" about this match? A total waste of time.

The Mysterios defeated The Judgment Dorks Finn Balor and Damien Priest in a tag match I just saw on the go-home RAW earlier in the week, but this one is NO DQ. And also features the return of EDGE from... what happened to Edge? I thought he was with the Judgment Dorks... oh wait, he was kicked out? Oh, okay.  The match was fine, I guess.

Cool entrance for Edge, though; I like that whole emerging from the flames schtick; essentially a hyperized version of the Brood's old entrance, except with stairs... and the effect is worn off when it takes the poor bastard a good while to make his way to the ring. Yeah, maybe rethink these run-ins in a stadium setting, because watching these guys wait for Edge to come down before attacking (and failing) kinda makes them look like dorks.

Pat McAfee defeated Baron Chief Constable Happy Corbin in an okay match. McAfee's actually better than he's given credit and Corbin, when you get past some of the questionable booking of his character that has resulted in channels getting turned - because that's what go away heat really is; the guy shows up on screen, you change the channel - is actually a more capable big man than I'll usually give him credit for, but this match, for some reason didn't click.  Pat apparently went low before hitting a sunset flip for the pin, teasing a rematch. Well, better make that no-DQ next time.

The Usos retain the belts... apparently, Jeff Jarrett was the special ref for this one, not that it mattered because the Usos retained. To be honest, I skipped this match because I have no interest in seeing another Usos title match unless they're losing the belts. I'm done with them. On the bright side, Jeff Jarrett got a nice payday before wrestling Ric Flair's "Last" Match the next day. What a worker.

Riddle comes out and calls out Seth Rollins, who comes out to kick his ass. Why is this a thing? Wait, what's that? They were booked to have a match, but then it was cancelled? Why the fuck did they do that?

Smackdown Women's Champion Liv Morgan defeated Ronda Rousey in a short match that saw Liv pinning Ronda while Ronda had her in the armbar, but Liv was also tapping, giving us a reason to continue this feud. This time, Ronda doesn't take this defeat lightly and beats the shit out of Liv and the ref for a shitty finish. I'm no fan of Ronda, but she got robbed here. Liv was in the wrong; she deserved that beating. Clap-Clap-Clapclapclap.

Undisputed champion Roman Reigns defeated Brock Lesnar (again) in a Last Man Standing match to retain the title. The match starts with Brock DRIVING A FUCKING TRACTOR TO THE RING, which already makes this the best Roman/Brock match out of the bunch. They do their usual power stuff - which actually more enjoyable than usual and eventually BROCK USES THE TRACTOR TO LIFT THE RING. This does not kill Roman, however, which gives us the Uso run-ins, who help Roman put down Brock by burying him in a bunch of crap for the win. Apparently, somebody got the memo that they went back to the well one too many times, so this match just went all out. This was brutally fun stuff and if this ends up being the "last time" they fight, it's a hell of a note to go out on.

So it should be noted that this Summerslam show is the first WWE PPV (I'm not calling it a "premium" live event... ever) to take place following the retirement/resignation of Vince McMahon due to  what we shall call "prevailing circumstances" and such. And in that context, it's business as usual. The show itself was fine, I guess, but it's hard to get excited about the "biggest party of the summer" when most of the party is rehashed material from before. This didn't feel special. Good show, but I could have skipped this and not miss a beat.

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