WWE Summerslam 2021

Yeah, I've got nothing for this one, kids... so GOOMBA!

Summerslam 2021 took place on a Saturday; the rare instance of the annual PPV taking place on another day outside of its usual Sunday night airing. Summerslam 2021 took place the night after former former wrestler Cookie Monster Punk made his return to wrestling on the second episode of AEW Rampage.

I didn't watch Summerslam last year; I had better things to do. And reading the results from the show as well as news that it went beyond the promised three-hour runtime meant that it was going to be the first major WWE PPV that I would miss out on. But since this year's Summerslam is looking to go international, I'd figure that I've got nothing to lose and give this show a shot.

Randy Orton and Matt Riddle defeated RAW Tag-Team Champions AJ Styles and some big dude whose name I still don't recall despite this being a year ago to win the titles. I didn't think too much of this act at first, but this RK-Bro turned out to be one of the few entertaining clips I'd come across on the Youtubes. The match was good, too... except for the parts with the big guy.

The next match was Eva Maria going up against little fiend Alexa Bliss and I went for a dump. One year later... quite frankly, that's far more that this crap deserves, quite frankly. Fuck off.

Damien Priest defeated United States champion Sheamus to win the title. He'd lose the title to Finn Balor, who would NOT be at Wrestlemania. This was a thing that happened and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think Sheamus was a bit hurt around this time, but I could be wrong on that count.

Smackdown Tag-Team champions The Usos (one of whom got a DUI and was punished by becoming champion - welcome to WWE) defeated Rey Mysterio and Eddie's Son Dominic to retain the titles.

And then we have this thing... so Bianca was supposed to defend her Smackdown Women's title against Sasha Banks, but both were out for a time. Bianca made it to Summerslam, but apparently Sasha wasn't cleared. So her new challenger was Carmella... however, out comes Becky Lynch - back from pregnation vacation or whatever stupid vernacular Cold Ronda used - to beat up Carmella and take up the title shot for herself. And then she defeated Bianca for the title in less than half a second. Well, at least Bianca lasted longer than Kofi, but man, what a dick move. Also, unlike Kofi, Biance eventually made her way back into the title picture and beat Becky for the belt at Mania... so that's something.

Drew McIntyre defeated Jinder Mahal in a short match. Waste of time.

Charlotte wins another RAW title. Nuff said.

Edge beats Seth Rollins. Bonus points for Edge doing the old Brood entrance - basically tying to a bit on Smackdown where Edge somehow managed to pull off a bloodbath on ol' Seth and the announcers couldn't call it blood. Holy fuck, this really is turning into WCW. Is Russo booking this shit?

(I'm sorry, Vince. I couldn't help myself.)

WWE Champion Bobby Lashley defeated Goldberg via ref stoppage when MVP hit Goldberg in the knee with his cane and ol' Bill couldn't go on or something. And then Bill's son tries to help, but gets Hurt Locked or something. So let me get this straight; the black women's champion loses to Becky Lynch in half a minute and the black World champion couldn't even get a clean win over a guy who has lost more big matches than he won, with his only "big win" being over some goof in a Halloween mask for some toy belt in Saudi Arabia. Just making sure.

Blue Belt Champion Roman Reigns defeated John Cena to retain the title, only for Brock Lesnar and his ponytail to make his return and collect another paycheque. THIS TIME FOR SURE, PAL.

Watching this show a year later and with some hindsight, Summerslam 2021 had some good stuff here and there, but largely felt like a waste of time and even with a big time main event, didn't feel like anything big really happened. Brock came back for his Wrestlemania payday, yippee. I was struggling to stay awake with this Summerslam show and that's never a good sign.

Which probably explains why I skipped this one the first time around.

But hey, maybe this year's will be better.

What's that?

What do you mean it already took place?

WHAT THE FIEND?!