Wednesday, August 10, 2022

WWE Summerslam 2020

So I never did a musings on this show, did I?

Oh yeah, because it was in the Thunderdome... that weird period in WWE history where they held all their shows in an arena in Florida where, instead of being occupied by a live audience, you had video screens of people at home doing face time and "reacting" to stuff... and then of course, everyone figured out quickly that reactions were controlled completely by WWE production so match up with how they felt people should react... I'm pretty sure WWE wishes they could go back to the Thunderdome whenever they have a crowd that refuses to play ball.

But, anyway, this was the beginning of the Thunderdome era, which I was never a big fan of. The idea was sound in theory, but always felt creepy in execution. All those empty, sterile facecams staring into the ring, the constant feel of Big Brother always watching. And then there would be times when the 'Dome would be used for "supernatural" effects, such as whenever we needed Bray Wyatt to do his shitty magic tricks. Thank fuck he's no longer around.

Anyway, I took the time to watch this while in bed. My thoughts on this will be ever so brief, so don't be surprised if I blow through this faster than Kevin Dunn shines his bucky beavers.

Smackdown Women's Champion BAY LEY defeated Asuka via roll-up following outside interference from Sasha Banks to retain the title. Perfectly acceptable wrestling match to open the show, which is all I could ask for.

They recap the short-lived Retribution non-sense, where they took a bunch of NXT guys and tried to turn them into Nexus 2.0, but with masks and even lamer gimmicks. The less said about this stupid angle, the better.

RAW Tag-Team Champions The Street Profits defeated Andrade and Angel Garza in another perfectly acceptable tag-team wrestling match to retain the titles. This is something that would've been a perfectly fine TV match, but on PPV, it's just okay. I don't quite hate this show et, but don't worry. We'll get there.

Mandy Rose defeated Sonya Deville in a Loser Leaves WWE match that saw Sonya lose and leave WWE... only to come back months later and become another in a long (tired) line of heel authority figures. This was going to be a hair vs. hair match, but that was dropped due to Deville having some legal issues involving a stalker and going to court with a shaved head isn't the best look. But hey, she "left" WWE and then came back, so it's not like they poo-poo'ed that stip. Match was okay; nothing more.

Seth Rollins defeated Dominick Mysterio in his debut match... which happens to be a street fight. This is following the wonderful angle in which Rey Mysterio lost his eyes in a previous match or two... I wish I was making this shit up. You know, if you're going to shit on AEW for stupid violent shit, don't try to one-up with even more stupid shit, especially if you don't planning on going through with said stupid shit and decide to go with either stupider shit. Anyway, this was a veteran beating up a rookie in a very long, very boring match. If NXT 2.0 was a thing back then, this would've been a fine main event for one of those episodes because nobody would be watching. Dominick would eventually get better and Seth would eventually get a less shitty gimmick... I'm still waiting for that less shitty gimmick to emerge, by the way.

Asuka defeated RAW Women's Champion Sasha Banks to win the title in another perfectly acceptable wrestling match... because KANA is fucking brilliant... and so is Sasha, I guess. This match is apparently brought to you by Cup Noodles, which is why you have that banner as it is. Fuck knows why.

WWE Champion Drew McIntyre defeated Randy Orton  via BACKSLIDE PIN of all things to retain the title. Finally, some good fucking wrestling. Honestly, this was the only time where I felt I was watching a PPV caliber match and you've got two big guys in Drew and Orton just working the ever loving piss out of each other. Randy would win the title for a short run before dropping it back to Drew and the rest... is not worth recapping here. Besides, we've got enough shit to go through here.

THE FIEND BRAY WYATT defeated Blue Belt Champion BRAUN STROW-MAN to win the title. Good news is that there was no red light throughout the match and the bullshit magic was kept to a minimum. The bad news is that the match itself wasn't very good and ran far too long. Once Wyatt won the title, I was like, "Fuck this shit."

But then, coming out of the woodworks, back from hibernation, the TRIBAL CHIEF ROMAN REIGNS emerges from the shadows to save this show from utter despair, blasting both Strowman and that FUCKING FIEND WHO FUCKING SUCKS with chairs! ALL HAIL THE TRIBAL CHIEF AND HEAD OF THE TABLE ROMAN REIGNS, who would win the title and spare the world from another shitty Fiend reign... not that Strowman's run on top was any better, either.

So I'm going to be honest here; this Summerslam show was not terrible. While I wouldn't go so far to say that it was a great show, the wrestling on a whole was largely serviceable with only a couple real sour points to keep it from greatness. Fortunately, one of those sour points is the main event, which you can skip entirely. All in all, I didn't mind this Summerslam. Didn't need to be as long as it did, but it was a perfectly acceptable little wrestling show regardless.

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