Friday, April 22, 2022

The Deforestation Of Hyrule: An Adventure Of Link

Well, it's Earth Day, kids. Celebrate our wonderful planet by reading this Zelda fanfic about Link cutting down trees and plantlife with his sword and suffering the consequences. It's the first piece of fanfic that I've written... mostly as a lark.

DISCLAIMER: Legend Of Zelda and all related characters and names are trademarks of Nintendo, who do not endorsed or approve this written work.

Long ago, Ganon, prince of darkness, possessed the Triforce of Power. Princess Zelda of Hyrule possessed the Triforce of Wisdom. To prevent Ganon from claiming the full power of Triforce, she split hers into eight pieces... and yet those pieces somehow ended up in the hands of Ganon's minions, but that's besides the point.

The designated hero of Hyrule, dubbed LINK, was charged with the reclaiming of the Triforce pieces and rescue of Princess Zelda. In order to acheive this goal, he must find items and weapons to aid him in his quest, as well as uncover entrances to the dungeons, which contain risks and rewards too great to ignore. Throughout his journey, Link will cut down trees with his mighty wood sword to uncover hidden passages that would lead him to turncoat moblins who would give Link rupees in exchange for his silence - never mind the fact that Link almost never speaks and thus would've been silent anyway - as well as hidden shops that would sell him medical potions to heal his wounds.

One day, as Link was chopping away at trees to find the dungeon containing the next Triforce piece, he was approached by a rather short creature, who approached the young hero with a stern look. The spryte - a dashing female with only a few faint facial lines to give away her mature age - let out a brief breath to gain Link's attention.

"Did you cut these trees, sir?" she asked.

Link nodded in matter-of-factly affirmation, which drew another strained sigh from the spryte.

"Did you realize than when you were cutting down all these trees, you were commiting the act of deforestation, which is outlawed in Hyrule?"

Link shrugged. Not a hint of guilt apparent on his face.

"And are you even remotely aware," the spryte continued, "That in ten years time, we're going to be short on wood, which means the fine craftspeople who furnish much needed goods will be out of a natural resource? Do you realize how much damage to our ecosystem and our lovely forests you've committed as a result of this senseless, needless deforestation? And for what? For a heart or two?"

Link thought for a moment... and thought a little more afterwards, trying to process what this spryte was saying to him.

"Well?" the spryte asked, wagging her finger. "Have you got anything to say?"

Link looked up and responded. "I'm gonna go fight Ganon now!"

The spryte sighed. "Okay, fine. Just pay me 200 rupees for the tree repair charge."

Link searched his belongings and produced a bag of rupees, doing a quick check inside before passing off to the spryte, who caught it with both hands. Satisfied, Link walked away and the spryte held the sack as best as she could, but the weight of the sack was too much for the small creature and she lost her footing. She landed hard on the ground, groaned, and looked up in horror as the bag of rupees quickly approached her head.

A flashing light and a soft bang caught Link's attention and he turned to find the sack of rupees on the ground, but the spryte he had given it to had disappeared. He slowly approached the sack and, looking around for a moment, picked up the brown bag and slipped it back in his pocket. He then proceeded to a set of bushes, where he would cut them down and collect the hearts they would produce.

Oh... and he eventually got all Triforce pieces, killed Ganon, and saved the princess.

The End.

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