Wednesday, March 2, 2022

WWE TLC 2019

So this is one of those shows I skipped out on during my 2019-2021 moratorium on WWE PPVs, which took place due to the horrific Hell In A Cell PPV that took place a couple months prior. I will admit that there have been times where I might've caved in and given this show a sample. Any PPV with Asuka and Kairi Sane in the main event is something worth supporting.

On the other hand, this match featured WWE Blue Belt Champion Bray Wyatt defending the title against the fucking Miz and that's what made me go "no buy."

So I'm revisiting this show somewhat because I am genuinely curious as to how bad it is... which might be because of one match... and... well... ellipses mania bro.

Let's get on with it.

Smackdown Tag-Team Champions NEW DAY defeated FUCK THE REVIVAL in a ladder match to retain the titles. I wish I could say that this was an omen to come, but sadly, it turns out to be the exception to the rule. At the very least, I could say that this was a pretty fun ladder match between two top-tier tag teams.

Aleister Black defeated Buddy Murphy in another pretty fun little brawl. Black ended up with a bloody nose, but no eye injury to explain that weird eye gimmick he has nowadays. It amazes me that you had this monster of a man with a great, intimidating look and you couldn't find anything for him to do but sit in a closet for months on end. Who writes this shit and why are they allowed to live?

The match between the Good Brothers and the Viking Raiders end in a double countout and then some KFC is tossed to the floor, which garners a flurry of boos from the Minnie crowd. What the fuck am I watching that the biggest reaction is food getting tossed? Who books this shit and why are they allowed to live?

Hey, fuck off. That's an old Ashens line that I stole. Blame him.

King Korbin... er, I mean, BARON CORBIN defeated Roman Reigns in a TLC match that featured Corbin's buddies beating up Roman, allowing the king to pin the future tribal chief big dog fellow... because you see, ROMAN HAS NO FRIENDS. That would change a year later, use.

WWE Blue Belt Champion Bray Wyatt... yes, apparently, it's Bray Wyatt in his sweater who is a totally different character from the guy in the Halloween costume and yet he is still considered the champion. Honestly, questioning that sort of logic is akin to question the logic behind the Faces Of Foley from a generation past so I'll let it slide. What I won't slide is this match, which is fucking horrible because nobody knows how grudge matches with personal pride and hatred works. See, Mr. Fiend invaded the Miz's home and left scary things in his kid's bed. So Miz is angry and is about to fight the most personal and important battle of his life... except said most personal and important battle of his life is the same formulaic Miz match that he wrestles every time. Comes out to his stupid entrance, waits for the guy in the sweater to make his entrance, and it's just a boring, nothing happening WWE match like any other. This reminds me of the previous year's TLC where Rollins and Ambrose had a deep and personal feud that resulted in a grudge match that felt like any other boring WWE match.

So anyway, Bray beats Miz in a shitty-ass boring match that is the most important match of Miz's existence or whatever the fuck, gets coaxed by the monster guy to kill him further, and then gets sidewiped by a returning Daniel Bryan Danielson, who was put out of action for a time because the Fiend cut his hair. You have never seen a guy so angry about getting his hair cut as Bryan did and he showed more fire than the guy whose house was violated by the creepy dude. Now Bray and Bryan would wrestle at the Rumble in what is perhaps the only good Fiend match I've seen - owing almost entirely to Danielson, I'm sure - before Bray would drop the belt to Goldberg in Blood Money whatever from Saudi.

Did I mention that the Fiend sucks?

Bobby Lashley beats Rusev in a tables match with an assist from Lana... see, because Rusev and Lana were feuding with each other and she had the hots for Lashley because... dude, why am I wasting my breath trying to recap this shit? Two years later, both are in far better places and Lana is out of a job... oh well.

Women's Tag-Team Champions Asuka and Kairi Sane defeated Baby Flair and Becky Lynch in a TLC match to retain the titles. This was an absolute trainwreck where everything that can go wrong does go wrong and the only thing that could make this worse if someone (like Charlotte) would do a powerbomb on someone else (like Kairi Sane) who is perhaps not in the best spot to be taking a move. And so as a result, poor someone else (like Kairi Sane) would get hurt badly because someone (like Charlotte) wasn't careful. When NIA JAX is the safest woman on the show, you've got problems.

This show sucked. Outside of the first two matches, this was fucking putrid. Thank fuck I skipped out on this the first time. Fuck this show.

P.S. The Fiend Sucks.

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