UWF Beach Brawl (June 1991)

You want to talk about old, obscure shit... witness Beach Brawl from 1991, courtesy of the Universal Wrestling Federation... from Herb Abrams.

Oh yes... we are going into the deep end here. The outlaw promotion founded by Herb Abrams and assuming the name once used by Bill Watts' Mid-South promotion, promising to bring wrestling back to the way it used to be... which probably meant a lot of half empty houses, lots of bad wrestling, poor production, and a rather healthy drug-fueled lifestyle. And so much like Bill Watts' UWF, Herb Abrams' UWF also eventually went bye-bye... which probably would've happened anyway considering Abrams' passing in 1996.

But yes, the UWF had a PPV event that somebody would eventually - decades later - upload to Youtube and somewhere along the way, I had managed to record the event on DVD-R through my old set-up... long story. And then I did this write-up... promptly forgot about it... and just got back to it now... so I figured..."Why not give this show another shot?"

Then I found out why I never gave it another shot.

We open with a video montage featuring some old wrestling footage of Bruno Sammartino and someone else - I'm assuming Gorgeous George? - while stock photos of other old timers fly over the garishly colorful UWF logo, whose main purpose was to present wrestling as it was in the glory days. What that actually entails is an entirely different story since which glory days are you referring to? This is a common ailment whenever a new wrestling promotion is founded based on this premise.

The arena is dark, very dark. Probably because it's a largely empty arena with probably a hundred or so fans... perhaps I'm being generous in this regard. We soon get some promos from some guys regarding a new Television championship being crowned... okay, so there's something to look forward to at the end of the show, at least. This is already more than what I was expecting.

The Black Hearts defeated Fire Cat/Jim Cooper in a thing that happened... now this was more along the lines of what I was expecting; really bad wrestling. Of the folks in the ring, the only one I recognize is one of the Black Hearts because it's a younger Gangrel, flanked by Luna Vachon... so that's something, I guess?

The next match is a street fight between Terry Gordy and Johnny Ace... yes, that's right. People Power represented in this here UWF PPV... and after a couple minutes, they brawl all the way to the cheap seats and are counted out... yes, this street fight ended in a DOUBLE COUNTOUT. Because if you're not in the streets, you're not anywhere... well, it could've been worse. It could've been a falls count anywhere match and have a countout in that kind of match would've been really stupid.

What?

Mask Confusion (a.k.a. the Killer Bees from 80s WWF and AWA) defeated the Power Twins (two guys whose names I forgot) in what I could category describe as an acceptable wrestling match. Not a particularly good one or even entertaining one, mind you, but a wrestling match nonetheless.

Rockin' Robin defeated Candi Devine to win the inaugural UWF Ladies Championship. Well, the good news is that they had a wrestling match and it was watchable. The bad news? That's the most I got out of the match.

We have a recap video on Colonel DeBeers, a military racist gimmick who goes nuts whenever he's in the same ring as a black referee. This is supposed to get me excited about his feud with Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff.

And so, in our next match, Paul Orndorff defeated Colonel DeBeers in a short and pretty rubbish strap match. This is followed by Bob Backland defeating Ivan Koloff with a quick rollup in a quick match. And there's another short tag match, which saw Cactus Jack and Cowboy Bob Jr. team up in a match aaginst some job team. Bleh.

And in the main event, Dr. Death Steve Williams defeated Bam Bam Bigelow to win the inaugural UWF SportsChannel Television Championship in what can best described as a straight-up hoss fight between two big guys. 

UWF Beach Brawl was the only PPV run by the promotion and after watching this show, I'm left to wonder how they got a PPV deal to begin with. Actually, I'm left to wonder how they even lasted for as long as they did because they would do another major television special THREE YEARS down the road and it's nowhere near as good as this show... try to wrap your head around that concept!

Here's the thing; this show is not a show you watch for good wrestling. A lot of the wrestling here is really bad and a lot of the guys they have on there is a bunch of guys who are either past their prime years or really, really green. You might find a couple familiar names here and there, but rest assured; you won't be seeing any lost gems on here. The whole thing comes across as the very sort of low brow entertainment that people usually associate with the term "professional wrestling" and it's not hard to see why this failed.

On last check, it's still on Youtube if you want to check it out... but honestly, there's better things you can do with your time and this really isn't worth it unless you want the coke experience without actually having to take it... and then come back next week for sloppy seconds.