Wednesday, June 9, 2021

TNA No Surrender 2006

Yeah, so I watched another TNA PPV. Actually had a couple of these on old DVD-Rs, which is funny because I don't seem to recall actually watching the show at the time. I did see the big announcement that was hyped up, but I'll save that for the end... assuming the custom banner doesn't spoil it when I get around to doing it.

(Oops, too late.)

In any event, I've got this and a couple PPVs on DVD-R that I gave a watch and wrote musings on... maybe I'll get around to doing those TNA DVDs that I got stashed away somewhere.


Eric Young defeated A-1 in the opening thing that happened. Who the fuck is A-1? Your guess is as good as mine, kids.

Jay Lethal defeated Petey Williams in a... what the fuck did I just watch?

Okay, so apparently, Petey Williams is suffering from irritable bowel movements due to something he ate that was spiked with ex-Lax by some X-Division guys or... something. So Petey would occasionally hold his stomach, Lethal would hit the stomach, and the match would end with a roll-up or something.

No, seriously, what the fuck did I just watch? I mean... who wrote this shit and why were they allowed to live?!

Abyss defeated Raven and Brother Runt (a.k.a. Spike Dudley of ECW/WWE fame) in a hardcore three-way thing that happened.

The Naturals win a battle royal. Who the fuck are the Naturals? Your guess is as good as mine, kids.

Hey, don't blame me for not bothering to look these things up. If TNA isn't going to care enough to let me know who's who, then why should I?

X-Division champion Low Ki... wait, what's that? They changed his name to SENSHI? WHO THE FUCK IS SENSHI?!

Okay, so X-Division champion SENSHI defeated Chris Sabin in what could very well be the show's first decent match. Hey, it took us this long to get there, so might as well enjoy... wait, what's with the blow-up doll? Why is there a...?

Hey, you remember when Jim Cornette would bitch about so-called comedy guys wrestling with twelve-year-olds, invisible people, and blow-up dolls killing the business? Do me a favor and show him this match... and remind him that this took place while he was part of TNA creative at the time. Much appreciated. Thanks.

Christian defeated Rhino via low blow and Unprettier. Good brawl, but the one they'd have at the following month's Bound For Glory show is MUCH better.

AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels defeated TNA Tag-Team Champions LAX (Hernandez and Homicide) in an Ultimate X match to win the titles. THIS MATCH RULED! I forgot how good the old LAX team was and AJ and Daniels were always top-notch in those old TNA days.

And in the main event... fuck me, this is going to be painful.

Samoa Joe defeated NWA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Jarrett in a non-title Fans Revenge match, where they plucked a bunch of random fans, gave them leather straps, and told them to be lumberjacks. Yes, TNA used ACTUAL, UNTRAINED FANS as lumberjacks and encouraged them to hit the wrestlers. This was a real thing that actually happened.

Hoe. Lee. Fuck.

So, aside from that piece of business, this match was fundamentally stupid on so many levels. First off, this is a non-title match. Samoa Joe was on an undefeated streak, fairly popular fellow, and so TNA figured, "Let's put him in a main event match against Jeff Jarrett, but it's not for the title because we already have our title match planned." So right off the bat, there are no stakes.

Secondly - and I'm going to set aside hindsight and try to see through the eyes of someone watching this show in 2006 - by making this a non-title match, this not only removes the stakes, but also guarantees that Joe is winning this one. Yes, TNA didn't want to book a match that saw their unstoppable, popular monster win the title, but at the same time, they didn't want Jarrett beating Joe and thus breaking his undefeated streak because that would kill any goodwill fans would have with TNA. So, remove the title from the picture, you remove the danger and you already figure that Joe is going to win this one, thus sending the fans home happy... I guess.

Actually, in hindsight, I'm amazed Jarrett didn't book himself to beat Joe just to spite his paying customers... which places him one step above McSon-In-Law... don't worry; I am very certain that Hunter is not reading.

But here's what really set me off about this match... after the match, Joe picks up the NWA title and leaves... even though he's not the champion, but fans like to see him with the belt and... for fuck's sake.

Look, let me break it down.

You've got Samoa Joe - at the time portrayed as an unstoppable killing machine who tore through the ranks of TNA's X-Division and is probably the first opportunity for TNA to create a huge, homegrown megastar due to his overwhelming popular among TNA and wrestling fans. He might not have been a roided up beefcake, but he was a beast of a man and looked poised to be taken to that next level. In a smart promotion, Samoa Joe would kill Jarrett clean and claim his first World title to cement his place as a new main event to take TNA to the next level. He wouldn't be walking out with a belt he didn't win; he'd walk out as WORLD CHAMPION.

But this is TNA. Of course, that doesn't happen.

Instead, this match is non-title... which means no matter how badly he gets killed, Jeff Jarrett gets to walk out the World Heavyweight champion. And not only does Jarrett get to keep his title, but Samoa Joe's reward for winning this non-title fans revenge lumberfuck match is to earn himself a spot in a nothing hardcore match for the following month's PPV before entering into a feud with the newly minted Kurt Angle that would see Joe suffer his first loss on a nothing show, while Jarrett would hold the title for another month before losing it to the young up-and-comer known as STING.

This was the moment they could have done it. This was the moment where they could have made the first step in building towards the future. A homegrown star gaining traction and now here was an opportunity to give him a big win and the title that positions him as the face of TNA and give that promotion a base to build new household names, rather than rely on the tiredold ones. Would Joe have succeeded in that spot? I don't know... maybe, maybe not. But the point is that they didn't even try to do that and instead, they opted to keep the belt on Jarrett so he can job it to the Stinger next month.

And that pissed me off... which is something that I didn't expect from a 2006 TNA PPV because LOLTNA and all that. But this whole match, the basic concept of it, the reasoning behind it, the stubborness in sticking with the main event nobody wanted... this match was a complete waste of time. It was done as something to appease the fans who wanted Joe in the title picture, except it didn't work because the one thing that would've appeased those fans who wanted Joe in the title picture was - three guesses - JOE IN THE TITLE PICTURE. Or maybe - ooh, I don't know... JOE WINNING THE WORLD TITLE IN THE MAIN EVENT, YOU STUPID FUCKS!

WCW had Goldberg as a homegrown talent and he proved so popular that he was put in a position to win their World title by beating HULK HOGAN of all people, thereby making Goldberg a bonafide main event star... before promptly fucking that up, but that's another story entirely.

Even WWE - infamously stubborn fuckers who were always weary about giving new faces a shot and stuck to their guns to the detriment of the fans and the product as a whole - would occasionally take a chance and push someone new into the title picture to varying degrees of success. Sometimes, they'd even strike while the iron was hot.

TNA could have done that. They could have done that here. Then they'd have an actual shot. That dream of being competitive with Vince McMahon could've come closer to being a reality and maybe that move to Monday Night years down the light wouldn't have been the miserable failure it ended up being.

But they didn't do that. They did this. And this ended up being a complete waste of time. And that pissed me off almost FIFTEEN YEARS after the fact. And by doing this, TNA proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that TNA liked being home of new stars, but didn't like the idea of trusting those new stars to carry the company forward. The same thing happened in WCW - with that ONE exception - and look at how THAT turned out for them.

Holy balls... I did NOT expect to have THAT much to say about this match... wow.

So, following that complete and utter waste of time, Jim Cornette comes out and announces Impact will be airing at 9 p.m. as opposed to their previous 11 p.m. start time, which I hadn't realized was still a thing during their Spike TV days. But then a video played promoting the upcoming TNA debut of Kurt Angle, who had been released from WWE due to health concerns and the signing was conceived as somewhat controversial at the time. Fortunately, things worked out well for Angle... not so much for TNA, though... or Joe, for that matter.

(Hey, I found an old 2006 post where I talked about this back in the day. Click here to read it if you'd like a timely perspective on the thing.)  

Fuck it... I'm done.

No Surrender 2006 is a complete waste of time where the only thing of a note was a video hyping up the eventual debut of one of WWE's biggest stars and not much else. Said video could probably be found on Youtube in extremely grainy quality if you want to give it a look and I've got some cute little Photoshop gimmicks out of the news at the time. There's a couple good matches (the tag title match being the highlight), but nothing you can't get elsewhere in either TNA or beyond.

Yep, looks like I'm holding off on those other TNA DVDs for the foreseeable future... what else is on there?

Well, kids. I'll give you a hint... Herbie Cookies.

Next week... later.

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