Royal Ramble 2012

So last year's Rumble experiment with forty guys failed miserably and they went back to the standard 30. Unfortunately, that's about the only really notable thing about this year's Rumble.

World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan Danielson defeated Mark Henry and Big Show in a steel cage match to retain the title via slipping off the cage and landing on the floor... but he treats this like a big time win because he's a dickish heel. The match was nothing special, but the right guy won, so I don't care.

There's some Divas match in there... I think the Bellas are in it. Beth phoenix won the thing... I don't know. I'd check, but the Divas division has been so bad and so unmemorable that it's not worth going back to check. Sorry.

The match between John Cena and the newly remasked Kane - who wants Johnny to embrace the hate or something - ends in a double countout because THIS FEUD MUST CONTINUE or something. The only thing I remember from this feud is that bit where Kane rolled Zack Ryder off the stage in a wheelchair, turning a guy that made a name for himself off a silly Youtube show into even more of a joke than he was beforehand. And the only reason Ryder was involved was because he was popular and WWE figured by pairing him up with Cena, people will cheer for Cena. Well, we all saw how THAT turned out... and then people wonder why they hate John Cena. Anyway, the match sucks. I hate it. Next.

Brodus Clay defeated Drew McIntyre in a quick squash match. One of these men will eventually become the WWE World Heavyweight Champion... and the other is Brodus Clay. 'Nuff said.

WWE Champion CM Punk defeated Dolph Ziggler with Johnny Ace as special referee to retain the title in a pretty good match that featured some Ace shenanigans before People Power decided to make the count for Punk to win. Perfectly acceptable wrestling match from a time when people thought that Dolph Ziggler was going places... and who actually expected Punk to hold on to the title throughout the entire year before losing it to Rock at the following year's Rumble?

Sheamus wins the 2012 Royal Rumble, which earned him a title shot at the opening match of that year's Wrestlemania; home of the infamous match where Daniel Bryan ate a Brogue Kick in under a minute to lose the title to Fella. The Rumble is a practical blank in my head, so I couldn't even tell you if it was any good or not. That should probably speak volumes as to how memorable it was.

A nothing show, really. Entirely skippable and boring.