Thursday, January 21, 2021

RAW (January 18th, 2021): Fuck You And Fuck Your Show

Every year, WWE likes to do a tribute video to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. as part of the annual Martin Luther King Jr. Day festivities. It's usually a touching tribute and this year's video is no exception. I bring up this point because following this wonderfully-crafted tribute to one of the most influential figures in human history, we would get one of the worst editions of Monday Night RAW ever conceived.

A buddy of mine dared me to watch this whole thing from beginning to end... and after threatening to come over to his house without a mask and cough to his face, he relented and asked me to at least watch some of the show. That much, I obliged. In hindsight, I wished that I hadn't.

For those new to the blog, I haven't watched an entire episode of RAW since the move to three hours became permanent. And I stopped watching RAW altogether since 2016 when Daniel Bryan Danielson announced his retirement... this was years before he made his return to the ring, but even so, I just didn't have the inclination to watch RAW anymore. And so my WWE viewing was relegated to just the PPVs and I'd rely on the video packages to bring me up to speed. Barring that, I'd check out the recaps to see if I'd miss anything and nine times out of ten, I didn't miss anything that I couldn't get from a recap on PPV.

Even now, every once in a while when I revisit a RAW or Smackdown, I'll never watch the full show - only the parts that are worth a damn. These are few and far between for the most part, but honestly, it boils down the shows themselves being a complete waste of time.

With that in mind, my buddy told me about this show, brought up the aforementioned dare that followed by my aforementioned threat and then was convinced to watch some of the show. When I asked why, his only reply was "It's bad."

Well, how bad was this show?

We open with Randy Orton in a Dick Beyer-esque mask talking about the Fiend - because that's a thing. Randy is wearing a mask because on a prior episode, he got hit with a fireball. You know what? I'm not going to complain about that. The fireball is an old Jerry Lawler special and I'm glad to see it get some airtime... then I find out that it was Alexa Bliss who did the deed and apparently, Alexa - whom I've often said looked like a 12-year - is now literally dressed and acts like one. Why am I watching this show?

Lacey Evans and Ric Flair are apparently an item now. Flair is an elder statesman. Evans is much younger. I wonder if Fifi The Maid knows about this arrangement.

There's a "news report" about Wrestlemania having fans. The only thing I got out of this is that Stephanie McMahon, even after all these years, is still a fucking horrible actress. She's like Dino Bravo; the worst.

Drew McIntyre, at home recovering from COVID, cuts a promo on Bill Goldberg and promises to be back next week on RAW. Apparently, Drew will be defending his World title against Goldberg at the Rumble... because apparently Goldberg thinks Drew is making fun of the legends or something. Why is this match even a thing? It does Goldberg no favors to take a loss here and it's a shitty situation for Drew because he either loses to the old guy and people will complain or he'll retain the title but the win will mean nothing because he beat an old guy.

On a positive note, Miz and Morrison bring back Gillberg, who had a recent health scare. Good to see he's still around. That is the only positive I have to say here is that Gillberg got a pay day. Good for him.

Why is that some people can declare entry into the Rumble and others can't? Is there a geek tier somewhere that people can access so they can see who can and can't declare entry into the Rumble? Can some random jabroni declare a spot over someone like Ricochet? Can I declare entry? Is "WWE Superstar" the nicer way of calling someone a GEEK?

And then there's the main event between Asuka and Alexa Bliss, where Asuka - your reign RAW Women's and Women's Tag-Team Champion, I remind you - is scared of Bliss for some reason because she acts like a ten-year old one minute (at least she looked the part for years), but you turn off the lights and now she has bad makeup and... you know what? I'm done with this shit. Bad enough you had to drag Seth down with this "being scared of stupid gimmick" thing a year or two back, but now Asuka being scared of a ten-year old? That's worse than her being scared of James Fucking Elsworth! For fuck's sake, of all the women they have on that fucking roster - main or NXT - they had to have ONE giant woman, that ONE imposing figure that could fill that role. Instead, you're expecting me to believe that petite Alexa Bliss in bad makeup and bad hair is the thing to be feared?!

I could talk about the littany of other stupid things I saw on this shows (Hurt Business is a highlight, so let's tease a break-up!) and such, but why bother? It'd be a waste of time. Just like this post was a waste of time. Just like this show was a waste of time. Why did I watch this show? It sucks.

The title of the post says it all, really.

Now I'm not even sure I'd want to watch the Rumble. It's that bad of a show.

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