Friday, January 22, 2021

AEW Dynamite (Jan. 20th, 2021): Jon Moxley Hits Puberty

See that Shaq picture on top? That was my face after watching last Monday's RAW.

Anyway, we go from that to a GOOD show... though honestly, I've got little to say about this show because I was just enjoying the ride. So we'll do the five point thing we usually do with the other show when it was worth watching and stick with that.

1 - Bucks "Beat Up" Callis, Callis Stirs Shit
So the Bucks come to Omega's house and they are confronted by Don Callis, who tries to bribe them to leave Kenny alone. The Bucks refuse Callis' obvious bribes (saying Impact cheques aren't worth anything - what's the old saying about shoot comments that aren't supposed to be shoot comments?) and Callis trips over the camera on the floor. Then later on, Callis tells Kenny that the Bucks beat them up and Kenny, like an idiot, believes him.

2 - Jon Moxley And His Chest Hair Declares War On Everyone
The show featured Mox's first match since losing the AEW title against a big, hairy guy named Nick Comoroto, who gave the former champ a good brawl before eating a DDT for the loss. Good to see AEW start getting some much needed big men to their roster. Mox then grabs a mic and declares war or everyone. Meanwhile, I remain fascinated by his sudden explosion of chest hair. I honestly think it's a good look for him. He should probably keep it.

3 - Cody Distracted By Muscle Girl, Almost Loses To Peter Avalon
For anyone who feels that I never go down hard on AEW for stupid shit, this next bit is for you and I'm not even going to go that deep because I'm trying to keep it short.

So Cody hits a big move on Peter Avalon early in the match, which brings out that Jade person to distract Cody because he's a stupid babyface. This distraction allows Avalon to kick Cody in the balls, but does not ultimately result in a quick win, but in a loss that took longer than necessary. I dug the finish more than the match; Cody has Avalon in the figure four, Avalon slaps Cody, and when Cody raises his own hands, Pretty Peter gets scared, and suddenly taps. I don't get the finish, but if I were to venture a guess, Pretty Peter Avalon must have figured that Cody was once a Dashing fellow, but then his face got hurt and he had to wear a plastic mask. Not wanting a similar fate which may or may not include slapping paper bags over people's heads for the rest of his life, Peter tapped in fear to avoid a similar fate from Cody.

Yeah, the match did nothing for me and felt like a complete waste of time... and I rarely say that about anything in AEW, but this Cody/Shaq/Jade thing feels like a complete waste of time. I get Cody wants to have long matches and doesn't see value in short squashes, but this is one of those instances where the quick squash would've told a better story. Keep the Jade thing if you must, but Peter gets a blow in and some offense before Cody takes him down, figure four, Peter slaps Cody, Cody threatens to slap back, and Peter quickly taps to protect his face, which is more important than his winning streak. Simple, straightforward, and not a complete waste of time like the match we did get, which was completely self-indulgent.

You wanna have a nice Cody/Avalon match for ten minutes? Do it on Dark, not on TV. Much appreciated.

4 - Chris Jericho Botches A Lionsault
So they have the Inner Circle tag match that is won by Jericho and MJF... and there's a bit where Jericho is going for a lionsault (jump on rope, do flip, land on stomach) and he ends up landing on his face after the attempt. I assume this is a bad slip and I don't think will be regular thing, but if it ends up being a regular thing, it might be time to retire the lionsault, dude... unless you want a regular spot on Botchamania for the foreseeable future.

5 - Hangman Page Is A Dick
So for weeks, Hangman Page is hanging with the Dark Order and they're hoping he'd join them. So they have a couple tag matches, they have good chemistry, and the time comes for Hangman to answer whether he's going to join the group and everyone is expecting him to join because it's the right thing to do and it's on Brodie Jr.'s birthday... and Hangman says no. Because he's done the whole group thing and just wants Dark Order's booze.  Man, what a dick. You give him loads of booze that he didn't pay for and he doesn't provide the courtesy of joining your cult. Maybe you should send Negative One after him to set that boy straight.

(I would also like to take this opportunity to note that Negative One is a ten-year old boy - an actual youngster, not just Alexa Bliss - who is already tossing papers like his old man and hitting people with kendo sticks. This kid is going to be a menace before he hits puberty and I think he needs to be stopped... then the thing with Hangman happened and now I think he needs to toss heavier rolls of paper at that asshole.)

So those were my thoughts. A perfectly fine edition of Dynamite that, while not a particularly notable show, was a wonderful cleanser after that terrible Monday show. By Dynamite standards, this was average fare with nothing of note happening, but it didn't feel like a complete waste of time and I had a good time. And hey, no zombie cosplay. Though I will say that Abadon is more chill-inducing that Baby Bliss.

On a sidenote, someone suggested that I'd check out Smackdown since it's the better of the two main shows. I don't know if I'd go that far, but I do have Impact on PVR, so I'll probably give that a write-up.

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