Wednesday, May 13, 2020

WWE Money In The Bank 2020

Yeah, so... I watched this show... and then I did a recording on this show... and now here's a write-up on this show... which hasn't changed much from the recording on Monday. For context, the main event was a filmed segment where both men and women fought through Titan Towers - WWE's old headquarters - to reach the roof where the two briefcases reside.

I wasn't a big fan of this show, but to be fair, it was a fairly short show, ending after two and a half hours of action. So that's less bad stuff to deal with, but is it really all that bad?

Smackdown Tag-Team champions New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E) defeated three other teams who don't matter to retain the titles... it's a New Day title match, which loses all meaning and interest from the get-go. The match itself was fine, but nothing that won't be forgotten a week later.

R-Truth vs. MVP - the alleged advertised match - is shitcanned in lieu of Bobby Lashley showing up and beating up R-Truth in short fashion.

Smackdown Women's Champion Bayley defeated Tamina to retain the title in a not short enough fucking awful match. At no point did I feel like Bayley was in any danger of losing her title, but also

Blue Belt Champion Braun Strowman defeated Bray Wyatt to retain the title in another shitty match. This was an empty arena with Bray's puppets in the distance and Braun teasing a reunion with Bray - going so far as to put on his old sheep mask - before suckering him into a false sense of security despite Bray being on the receiving end of punishment in what could've been an old-fashioned hoss fight... but no, this was very bad and it hurt my brain.

In the only real bright spot on this show, WWE Champion Drew McIntyre defeated Seth Rollins to retain the title in a pretty good match that ended up being the best match on the show. Rollins got new entrance, new music, and a new outfit that plays into his Monday Night Messiah gimmick... which probably explains why the ratings are down because he's saving people from watching RAW... I'm kidding, of course. But this was a nice down-and-dirty fight between two high-class wrestlers that felt important. Drew is pretty damn good and Rollins, when he's put in a situation where he just has to have a match with stakes, can get the job done. This is the sort of thing that people would applaud had there been any in the arena.

And then there's the main event... this Money In the Bank movie, which has the women and men fighting through Titan Towers (WWE's world headquarters) to make their way to the roof where the two briefcases reside. Long story short, there's a bunch of pointless cameos, food fights, shitty comedies, brain aneurysms, everyone acting like a dumb shit, and there was even a bit where Rey Mysterio and some other dude were tossed off the roof and were never seen again. So I guess they're dead now.

Asuka claims the first briefcase, while a struggle between AJ Styles and Baron Corbin somehow lands the briefcase in Otis' hands, making him the winner. The former I'm fine with because anything where Asuka has anything meaningful to do is fine... but Otis' win is stupid. Nothing against the guy; he seems likeable enough and his thing with Mandy Rose makes for somewhat interesting chemistry, but having him win the contract by having it just fall on his lap reeks of total stupidity no matter who would've caught it. Daniel Bryan or Lacey Evans or even someone people hated winning it like that would've been stupid... because it's essentially the equivalent of receiving a reward for just participating. And that's your main event finish. An entire half hour wasted so we can get Otis Dozovic. My brain hurts.

As a follow-up of sorts, the next night on RAW, RAW Women's Champion Becky Lynch announced that she was pregnant and as such, revealed that Asuka not only won the match, but also won the RAW Women's title... so Asuka is the new champion, Becky is going to be a mommy, and congrats to Becky and Seth on their upcoming offspring... of course, it leaves the question as to whether Braun Strownman will announce that he is also pregnant and he's surrendering the Blue Belt title to Otis Dozovic... because Vince loves his stupid comedy that is good shit, pal!

So that was Money In The Bank 2020... only one match worth a damn and it wasn't the shitty "comedy" act disguised as a main event... Seth Rollins can rest easy knowing that he didn't have the most insulting match on the show because that's been filled by everyone else... and the sad thing was that if the undercard hadn't been absolute shit, I probably would've been mildly amused by this mini-movie thing.

But the important thing is that I gave it a shot, I didn't like it, and so we're back to the modern WWE moratorium. I simply cannot watch these shows. I couldn't when there were people and it's even more so in these "prevailing circumstances" that we live in.

And I put off In Your House from 1996 for this shit.

Next week, we're doing a TNA PPV.


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