Monday, October 7, 2019

WWE Bullshit In A Cell 2019

Fun fact: This show took place on Amy Jo Johnson's birthday. Happy belated birthday, AJJ.

That's about the only positive I can levy towards the show... yeah, of all the WWE B-shows, I ended up watching this complete and utter pile of shit. And the only reason was so I could witness live a December To Dismember in the making... holy fuck, why did I watch this fucking show?

Smackdown Women's Champion Becky Lynch defeated Sasha Banks via submission in the second-ever Women's Hell In A Cell match to retain the title. You know, this show started off well enough. This was a fine little match; they tried some stuff outside the Cell, then they had a bunch of weapons inside the Cell, and then after some action, Lynch trapped Banks in the Dis-Arm-Her move for the submission. This was perfectly fine... perhaps a bit better than the first Cell match involving women and that's a good thing. Unfortunately, it was the best Cell match of the night by default.

Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan Danielson defeated Luke Harper and the Vintner Erick Rowan when Roman pinned Harper after a spear in another good match. This was basically the Hardys vs. MNM where you're getting the best match right off the bat and then the rest of the show goes downhill from here.

Randy Orton beats Ali with an RKO. I didn't care enough to pay attention. This seemed random and stuff.

Asuka and Kairi Sane defeated Women's Tag Team Champions Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross to win the titles after Asuka spewed green mist in Nikki's face, which got a nice little chuckle out of me. The match was a thing that happened, but hey, Asuka and Kairi are tag champs... and apparently heels... yeah, well, not in my book, they're not.

The Viking Raiders and mystery partner Braun Strowman defeated AJ Styles, Karl Anderson, and Doc Gallows via DQ when AJ and crew triple-teamed Braun, who then managed to get back his heat and beat all three up... this was a complete and utter waste of time and I didn't care.

Chad Shorty Gable (don't look at me; the announcer called him that) defeated King Corbin... who gives a shit?

Baby Flair defeated Smackdown Women's Champion Bailey to win the title... this is, like, what? Title #188930788923762190329 for Baby Flair? Don't care, over this shit.

The match between Red Belt Champion Seth Rollins and Bray Wyatt, which takes place in Hell In A Cell while there's this big red light blaring all over the place - a gimmick they tried with Kane a couple decades and then stopped doing because nobody could see what the fuck was going on - ends in a fucking no-contest when Seth Rollins used a sledgehammer on Bray inside the fucking cell.


You know... it may not seem like it considering some choice words, but I try my very best not to be harsh with these shows. This time, I'm not going to bother, so if my choice of wording offends anyone, then so be it, but I'm not to sugarcoat my pure thoughts on this show.

This show was booked by retards.

I've said it. I make no apologies. I don't care if I offend anyone by saying that. I have been offended by watching this fucking worthless pile of shit. To have the fucking temerity and the arrogance to present me with THAT ending to a match that was already fucking atrocious in terms of presentation and in terms of pissing the audience off... and that's precisely what this match did. It pissed a lot of people off. This isn't a bad match that you could make fun of. This made me ill. As soon as this fucking piece of shit ended the way it did, I passed out and I woke up with a massive headache that could very be an aneurysm. And then I recorded some audio and held off posting it because I'll sit on it... but suffice it to say, this show made me ill.

And you want to know the sad thing? This is the second year in a row they've done a bullshit finish in a Hell In A Cell match, after last year's no contest between Roman and Braun. It's like they're clearly intent in treating their audience like the retarded sheep who will piss and moan about their product, but will keep coming back for more. And again, I make no apologies for going that far in terms of wording because it is the most ACCURATE way of describing how WWE sees their audience.

And so, if that's going to be the case... then you know what? I am not going to reward their arrogance with my time. I am not watching RAW. I am not watching Smackdown. I am not watching any of their current product. I am not watching NXT. I am done with the modern WWE product in any way, shape, or form. From this point on, whatever I watch on the Network, it's just going to be the old stuff... and believe me, there is PLENTY of old shit that I can go back and watch and write some musings on. And those will be fun.

Fuck this show. Fuck this company. Fuck the people who approved this shit. Fuck the people who defend this shit. Fuck me for watching this show and writing about it. Fuck you for reading this post. Fuck off and get fucked.

Fuckity bye.

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