Monday, August 26, 2019

WWE Summerslam 2007

Featuring the main event of John Cena Vs. Randy Orton... I believe this was their 2,486th match in a long-running series of 286,839,129 matches... I could be off in my count by a couple hundred, but I digress.

Also, the return of McSon-In-Law... let's get to it quickly.

Kane beat Finlay in the opening contest of two big guys brawling. Kane is going into this with bad ribs, apparently, and that played into the story somewhat. There's a funny bit where Swoggle was scared off by Kane's sit-up. Not the most thrilling thing in the world, but two big guys beating the crap out of each other is almost never boring and this held true to that point.

Intercontinental champion Umaga defeated Carlito and Mr. Kennedy Kennedy Kennedy in a Triple Threat match to retain the title. I had completely forgotten about the time that Umaga (the late Eddie Fatu in a Samoan Savage gimmick) was being portrayed as a babyface good guy and this was basically a handicap match with the two heels.

Rey Mysterio defeated Chavo Guerrero in a Summerslam rematch to get his win back from the year prior... okay, maybe not. Match was fine, nothing else to say here. Sorry.

Beth Phoenix won a Divas Battle Royal to earn a shot at Candice Michelle's Womens' Championship at some later point. There's a bunch of ladies, I don't recall any of them... wait, Kelly Kelly's in there, no? Or something? I don't know... I don't remember... I don't care... nice to see some things haven't changed twelve years after the fact.

There's a beer-drinking contest between MVP and Matt Hardy that never took place because Matt got Steve Austin to sub for him and Stone Cold kick whammed stunnered MVP instead. Fun segment, if nothing else.

ECW Champion John Morrison defeated CM Punk with leverage on the ropes to retain the title. Punk would win the title a week or so later on an episode WWECW. This was a thing that happened... mind you, not a bad thing that happened, but just a thing that happened.

HHH defeated Booker T in Hunter's first match back since suffering an injury that put him out of action for most of the year. Or rather, to put it another way, McSon-In-Law returns and buries Booker T in his first match back since 2005. Match was boring. I didn't care. And for what it's worth, I doubt I would've cared back.

Batista defeated World Big Gold Belt Champion THE GREAT KHALI via DQ when Khali whacked him with a thing. This was shit. Pure shit. The end.

WWE Spinner Belt champion John Cena defeated Randy Orton to retain the title. For all the grief I give WWE for going back to this particular well to the point where it's practically the equivalent of a Diva Search pissbreak segment, never let it be said that these guys don't work well together. For what it's worth, this was a fairly good match with Randy's persistence against Cena's resilience. Done sporadically and under the right circumstances, they can pull off some good stuff... but overdo it and it's just a thing that happens and nobody cares.

The 2007 edition of Summerslam is not the most exciting piece of business to sit through. Mind you, it was less of a chore to sit through than a modern-day WWE PPV marathon - which is a very low bar, I'm sure - but there was just a whole bunch of stuff on there that didn't resonate or leave a lasting impression. It's like they were booking a B-show rather than their supposed "hottest party of the summer" or whatever the tagline is.

Not great.

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