Thursday, August 15, 2019

WWE Summerslam 2004

Welp, this show took place fifteen years ago on this very day... on my birthday, no less. Coincidentally enough, I did not watch this show back in the day, which was a surprise because I did keep up with the WWE shows back in the day until the mid-2000s... but I guess my birthday took presidence or something.

Before anyone asks, yes, this is the show where Randy Orton became the youngest World champ in WWE history and he beat a certain someone for that belt which means...

Bit of a sour note, here. Anyway, let's move on.

The Dudley Boyz (Bubba, Dvon, and Spike) defeated Paul London, Billy Kidman, and Rey Mysterio in a six-man tag match that saw Spike pin Kidman after the latter ate 3D. Well, that was unfortunate. The match itself was alright, but I wasn't feeling this one.

Kane defeated Matt Hardy in a thing that happened in short fashion, which resulted in Lita being forced to marry Kane. This would lead to the feud with the soon-to-be-debuting Gene Snitzky, who is known for things not being his fault as well as punting a baby... try doing that angle in 2019; it'll never happen.

John Cena defeated United States champion Booker T in a quick non-title contest to win the first in a series of five matches. I like that Cena manages a pinfall win despite Booker's shoulder being off the mat. It begins, folks.

Intercontinental champion Edge defeated Chris Jericho and Batista in a Triple-Threat match to retain the title. Despite being the hometown boy, Edge is decidedly booed by the Toronto crowd... apparently, they discovered he was actually from Orangeville, which is a hick town by their standards. This was a thing that happened, but noteworthy for the positive reaction that Batista was getting despite being a heel of sorts. Big things were in the works for Big Dave.

Kurt Angle defeated Eddie Guerrero in a pretty good match that featured a callback to their Mania match, which saw Angle tearing off Eddie's boot during an Ankle Lock. That strategy didn't pay off for Eddie this time around and he tapped out soon afterwards. Fun stuff, this.

McSon-In-Law defeated Eugene the special wrestler... I refuse to give this match any more attention and words, so we're skipping it.

And then we have Divas Dodgeball... fuck off, I ain't touching this shit.

WWE Champion John Bradshaw Layfield defeated Undertaker via DQ when Taker clocked ol' JBL with a belt after bullshit outside interference... fuck me, this lasted forever and it sucked. And again, I refuse to give this match any more attention. It's just that bad.

Randy Orton defeated World Big Gold Belt Champion Chris Benoit to win the title in a match whose ending was inevitable. Quite honestly, it's safe to say that the Benoit World title reign in 2004 had been something of an afterthought and it was probably for the best that it ended then and there. RKO winning the title to become the youngest World champ (beating out the Rock what was no doubt a giant fuck you to someone who became a bigger star than the promotion that "made" him) was a thing that was going to happen whether we liked it or not. And looking back, this was the perfect type of match to make Randy seem like a genuine big deal. Even the handshake with Benoit towards the end was a nice touch.

And then he loses the title back to McSon-In-Law in a feud that killed any value and momentum he gained at the time.

This show was terrible. Yes, there's a good Kurt Angle/Eddie Guerrero match that's fun to watch and the Randy Orton title win is a nice little thing to watch if you can stomach anything with Benoit in it, but the rest of the show was a complete and utter waste of time; a perfect summation of WWE programming in the early 2000s. Skip this one.

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