Thursday, July 11, 2019

Smackdown (July 9th, 2019): This Is How You Deliver Shitty Scripts And Raise False Hopes

So there's a promo on Smackdown that was cut by Kevin Owens at the beginning of the program... something about talent being underused, too many McMahons on the Tee Vee, wanting change or that sort of thing... boy, does that sound familiar?

You know, I like KO; he usually does good stuff and he's a fellow Quebecois, but this promo did nothing for me. I've heard this sort of thing so many times over the past decade or so in some many forms delivered by so many people, that it's lost all meaning. Now every time people praise this kind of promo as being this awesome thing and "OMG! U C GUYZ?! THIS IS HOW YOU CUT A PROMO, GUYZ! LOL!", I roll my eyes and shrug, thinking "You poor, deluded fools."

How many times has someone dropped a so-called "pipebomb" parroting all the complaints people have regarding the promotion? You know, the same, tired rhetoric regarding underused talent and whatnot? How many times has that given people a sense of hope that things would change for the better, only for that hope to dissipate once everything went back to the same old, same old?

It wasn't long ago that people were blaming the declining quality of the television show on "too much Baron Corbin" and people were excited when that was acknowledged on television, giving people hope that things would change and we'd have less Baron Corbin... and yet here we are and Baron Corbin is still a major presence on television. And as far as this promo is concerned, it did not make me care about wanting to see Kevin Owens feud with Shane McMahon... because I honestly don't care about Shane McMahon, no matter how much of a badass you try to make him.

Look, I'd like to see the WWE product get better. I want them to put on the same kind of stuff they used to; the kind of stuff where you had characters and stories that you actually cared about and had an emotional investment in, not stupid stuff and irritating geeks that prompts you to change the channel and never look back. I want to tune in to an episode of Smackdown and enjoy myself enough to look forward to the next episode, not get a headache-inducing show that tunes me out for the next several years.

All I ask is a reason to care. Maybe Heyman and Bischoff could be the thing they need to give the shows a bit of a boost... then again, maybe not. All I know is that another "pipebomb" promo is not something to get excited about, because they're even faker than the fake wrestling stuff that people make fun of.

And hey, if this means they're going to use Kevin Owens in a way that he could become a major player for a good long while - even if it means feuding with Shane-O-Mac and doing the Asylum version of the Austin Vs. McMahon Greatest Hits playbook - then I'm all for it and I do hope they pull it off. I hope that I'm proven wrong and this turns out to be the turning of the tide that has been so desperately needed. I want to be excited. I want to give this a chance... but bitter experience has proved otherwise.

In other news, Roman Reigns makes a rare appearance on Smackdown, defeating Dolph McIntyre in the main event... or is it Drew Ziggler? What does it matter? It's another Roman Reigns match that means nothing (and that's not his fault, either - let's get that out of the way) and features him beating guys who could've been something, but are stuck in limbo because they're either midcard for life or because they're paired up with FUCKING SHANE MCMAHON!

Oh, and the masked dude is former Cruiserweight champion Cedric Alexander, who looks happy to be there DESPITE LOSING LIKE A FUCKING GEEK! But wins and loses don't matter and why the fuck do I care? And by the way, what happened to that Kevin Owens/Dolph Ziggler main event that was advertised in that e-mail feeler I received? IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED!

And then people wonder why I write stuff off so quickly...

Next week, the "Bischoff era" of Smackdown begins and I suppose I'll DVR the show and check it out when I can to see how this starts off. If Hulk Hogan shows up to beat Kofi for the title and we get the 1,983,937,186,917th nWo reunion as well as a tag title run for the Nasty Boys, I'm swearing off Smackdown in the same fashion that I swear off RAW; not watching unless I've got absolutely nothing better to do.

Oh well... whatever, I guess.

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