Friday, July 5, 2019

RAW (July 1st, 2019): Stayed For Hour 1... Dropped Off At Hour 2... Take 2

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. I did watch RAW this past Monday night... well, some of it, anyway.

Also, yes, your eyes do not deceive you. I'm doing another one of these today... because I accidentally deleted the old one. My bad. Fortunately, this is a much better write-up with a bit more inflections.

So the show opens with the Fall Opportunities Count Anywhere match between Braun Strowman and Bobby Lashley. It's two guys going all over the place, giving the impression that they were beating the shit out of each other, but really, it's big move, rest, big move, rest, etc. This keeps going until they reach the stage. Just as Lashley is prepping for another big move, Braun runs in, grabs him, and both punch through the giant LED screen... and then EXPLOSIONS!

Corey Graves shouts "Holy Shit." It is not bleeped. Me thinks Mr. Graves should watch his words or else Terry Funk will show up to wash that mouth with SOAP.

And then we have a long shot of medical personnel tending to the two bigs, with total silence, no commentary, and some folks in the crowd counting to ten. This feels like it's been going on for three hours. And then it goes to commercial. And then we come back and it's the same stupid shot... and then they finally get the two guys into ambulances... the announcers are somber, treating this as serious... and then coming up next, it's THE NEW DAY versus THE WAR VIKING RAIDER EXPERIENCE or whatever stupid name they have this week.

Well, at least it's different.

New Day and Vikings tag match ends in a no-contest when Samoa Joe runs in to choke out one of the new Days - I forget who - and then Kofi shows up, we go to commercial, it's a six-man tag match now, there's a bit of decent tag action before the match ends with Joe choking Kofi out for the win, building up Joe as a threat to Kofi's WWE Championship, even though I know better.

There's a bit with Drake Maverick and his wife... apparently, he's still obsessed with R-Truth's convenience store championship. Well, best of luck to him. I personally stopped caring weeks ago.

There's a thing with AJ and Ganderson and Allows, who goad him into another match with the Ricochet.

There's a match between Cesaro and that Jose No Way or whatever his name is... it's short.

There's a promo segment with Miz, Shane McMahon, Undertaker, and the newest member of the Mean Street Posse, Drew McIntyre.

And then Baron Corbin pops up on my TV. I changed the channel, turned off the TV box, and plugged in the NES to play some Adventures Of Lolo.

So that's the new Paul Heyman's RAW... it had a good start, at least. the whole thing comes off as goofy, but it's a nice change of pace for once. But honestly, there's nothing here that's going to interest me all that much. Shane is still a major player. Baron Corbin is still a major player. I'm guessing Lacey Evans is a major player; I don't care about any of these people nor am I interested in seeing them in major programs, which doesn't quite bode well for the Extreme Rules show, which I might actually skip for once.

Apparently, I missed a thing where Mike and Maria are on the rocks for some reason, the word "bitch" is tossed around a couple times by someone not named Cold Ronda, and AJ Styles turned heel on Ricochet and joined up with his former Bullet Club pals. The AJ/Ricochet thing is perhaps the only thing I regret missing... the rest can go fly a kite for all I care.

I'll probably give it another shot in a few weeks, when Heyman is settled into the role. I'm not touching Smackdown because Uncle Eric doesn't start until after the Extreme Rules show... only thing of consequence was that Kofi flipped the bird at Joe during a promo. Yes, the same doofus who skips around, tossing pancakes out of his crotch (it's actually a pouch, but let's not ruin the moment) suddenly decided that he's Stone Cold lite and flipped the bird before hitting his big move.

Nice try, pal.

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