Wednesday, June 19, 2019

WWE The Bash (June 2009 Show)

I'm saving the other BLP show for next week... right now, I'm going to take you back to the past... wait, that damn sure ain't it.

So we're jumping back ten years to June 2009, where WWE is holding (one of) their June PPVs entitled The Bash. Now if you were a long time fan, you would probably wonder why they didn't call it The Great American Bash, which was an old WCW PPV name that they brought back to life in 2004 and made it an annual thing... because WWE, even back in 2009.

I'm going into this show completely blind, as I haven't seen this show in a good long while... if at all, to be honest with you. But maybe the show will refresh my memory and we'll see how it goes.

ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer defeated Christian, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, Finlay in a Championship Scramble match to retain the title. For those who don't know what a Scramble match is, someone pins or submit the champion to win the title and must keep from getting pinned or submitted by another individual until time runs out, where whoever is champion at the end is champion proper. The match starts with two people and then every three minutes, another fellow jumps in until everyone is out and then whoever manages to survive five minutes with the belt wins. So basically, after a bunch of action and the most aggressive game of tag ever, Tommy Dreamer manages to retain the title, much to his own surprise... honestly, why would he be surprised? He held his own and the match itself was pretty fun. I liked this.

Rey Mysterio defeated Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho in a Title Vs. Mask match to win the title and keep his mask on... because everyone knows how well getting rid of the mask worked in WCW. This was an absolutely phenomenal match with two guys who know each other really well and really gel together. I liked the finish where Jericho rips off Rey's mask, only for Rey to have another mask to distract Y2J and go for the finish.

Dolph Ziggler defeated The Great Khali with an assist from Kane in a street fight... this was a thing that happened.

Edge and Chris Jericho (last minute additions courtesy of Smackdown GM Teddy Long) defeated Unified Tag Champions Carlito and Primo Colon and Legacy (Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr.) in a triple threat match to win the titles. The Primos are carrying both the old RAW and Smackdown tag titles because they were unified at some point and there wouldn't be a single set of tag titles until the penny belts get introduced in mid-2010. I liked this match, as it told a pretty simple story of the two originally booked teams keeping the Canadian Blond People out of the ring but eventually succumbing to their prowess. Sometimes, simple storytelling works in wrestling... what a concept!

Michelle McCool defeated Women's Champion Melina to win the title... and you know what? This was perfectly acceptable wrestling. I suppose it helps tremendously when you're watching a show long after the fact and you're not exposed to the weekly shows which makes these women blander than bland... because the Divas division had the taint of being the designated piss break. But honestly, this was fine and inoffensive. And it didn't bore me to tears. So, I'm fine with that.

Jeff Hardy defeated World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk via DQ when Punk kicked the ref in the balls to save his title. Hardy originally won the title at a prior show, but then Punk cashed in his Money In The Bank contract to steal the title from Jeff. This whole angle was used to plant the seeds for Punk's eventual Straight Edge Society gimmick that resulted in some of his best work before the Summer Of Punk stuff came along. A pretty good match.

John Cena defeated the Miz in a so-so match. This isn't modern-day Miz who pretends to be a wrestler well enough to convince people he's that good. This is green-as-goose-shit Miz with a stupid haircut and outfit.

WWE Champion Randy Orton defeated Triple H in three stages of pure fucking awful garbage to retain the title. You know, I thought that I had dodged a bullet by skipping out on the Blood Money III show to avoid seeing another RKO/HHH match... and here am I sitting three of these fucking things. First fall was a regular match, where RKO wins via DQ because McSon-In-Law hit him with a sledgehammer. Second fall is a falls count anywhere match that McSon-In-Law wins because of course he does. Final fall is a stretcher match (where you put your opponent on a stretcher and push him towards.... who gives a fuck, really?) that Orton wins, but he doesn't look like a winner because Trigintuple H just hit him with his hammer and just had to get his heat back. If only I can get my life back after watching this fucking piece of wanking shit.

You know... I seem to recall one show where these guys had two matches together and they weren't all that bad... but then I remember this is 2009, the home of Mania 25 where they had that awful main event. Somehow, these guys merited multiple months of PPV main events and I can't understand why because if this was anything to go by, they make whatever Baron Corbin match people like to complain about these days seem like Flair/Steamboat by comparison.

An absolutely wretched end to an otherwise fine little PPV match. Jericho/Mysterio is the obvious highlight, but some of the other matches aren't too bad either. Just do yourself a favor and stop the show after the World title match. Cena vs. Miz would have better matches and as for the main event... don't bother.

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