Tuesday, April 2, 2019

March To Wrestlemania IX (WWE Hidden Gem - 1993 TV Special)

So this popped up on the Network, as did the March To Wrestlemania X, which we'll touch on tomorrow... because sure, why not? It's the last stretch to Mania, so it fits with the times. Unfortunately, there's three more days to fill and that means I need to fill it with other stuff. Oh well.

In any event, what "The March To Wrestlemania IX" entails is a taped 1.5 hour special featuring some brief recaps to the upcoming event's marquee matches, a couple interview segments, and even a couple matches taped for the crowd. There's also a couple bits with radio personality Rob Barlett being stuck in the Manhattan Center in one of those trademark WWE comedy routines that's almost never funny.

As per usual, I offer general thoughts on each match and maybe a bit of a recap, but those expecting full-on reviews of these shows should probably look elsewhere. That's not my thing.

Yokozuna defeated Macho Man Randy Savage in a relatively short match. Yoko then tries to go for another splash, but Savage rolls out of the way and knees Yoko out of the ring.

An interview with Hulk Hogan, Brother Bruti, and Mean Gene. If anyone were to tell me back in 1993 that all three would end up in the WWE Hall Of Fame at some point or another, I'd merely shrug. Whether this beats Drew Carey or Koko B. Ware as the most absurd induction into this circle-jerking ceremony is up to one's personal tastes.

A montage of the Narcissist Lex Luger knocking out jobbers with his "loaded" forearm and admiring himself in the mirror.

Mr. Perfect defeated Skinner in a match that was trimmed for time because nobody needs to be seeing Mr. Perfect vs. Skinner for some reason. Considering some of the shit that was on Superstars, this is actually a surprising move. In any event, it's Mr. Pefect - a big star - getting the win over Skinner - a not so big star - in a relatively lame match that is only less lame because it's Mr. Perfect.

Then we have a match between Kamala The Ugandan Giant (guided by Slick, a slick dressed man) and his former manager Kim Chee, which involves Kamala cowering from Chee for a bit before CHOPPIN' him down and splashing him before taking ten years to pin the man. A complete and utter waste of time that I'm thrilled wasn't on a PPV I wouldn't have watched back in the day. Brilliant.

And then we get the Wrestlemania music video... the one that begins with Vince welcoming us to the Survivor Series... which is not Wrestlemania. Oops.

Undertaker defeated Bam Bam Bigelow via countout, which came when Bam Bam took a chokeslam and decided, "Fuck it. I don't need this in my life." Fortunately, this was not a Falls Count Anywhere match, which means he was not counted out of nowhere. And then Giant Gonzales shows up to accost Taker or something because we all need the remind that these two are fighting at Mania, which leads to the one dubious win in the supposed Undertaker Streak that is much celebrated today.

And then we get a video game commercial... and then a Bret Hart commercial... and then the show ends.

You know, I've little to say on the show itself because beyond the hype jobs and interviews, there's not much stuff here to go on. In sitting through this hour-and-a-half program, they sure as hell didn't get me excited for Wrestlemania IX and I have no desire to see the show, again. However, this was an interesting piece of the puzzle that I'm pleased to have sampled regardless and for those who want to see how WWF did the "road to Mania" back in the day, this isn't a bad way to spend the day.

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