Tuesday, March 12, 2019

How To Kill Interest In Your Mania Main Event

Indulge me for a moment because I need to get this brief blurb off my chest.

So they got this hot Becky Lynch fella who caught fire with fans because people relate to her and not the girl they actually want to be the top star. They tried to turn her heel and turn her against the fans, but nobody bought it. So they just made her the never-say-die halfway antihero that gave her comparisons to another antihero of another era who pulled this company from the depths of bankruptcy. She even won a title along the way.

And then Nia Jax broke her face and cost her a big match, leaving us with the other girl getting the match. And then Becky is all better, lost her title in a ladder match with some other woman, tapped out in the rematch, forced her way into the Royal Rumble and won the thing with a "bad leg", gets suspended for kicking too much ass, forced to apologize, gets suspended anyway, still has a "bad leg" despite doctors having already cleared her because fuck it, who cares about continuity?

And then she has a match where if she wins, she gets put into the Women's title match at Mania... a title match, mind you, that she EARNED the right to by winning the Royal Rumble - thus making THAT event completely fucking useless - and in a match that saw Becky sell the bad leg and get VERY little offense, she does eventually win the match and earn her way back into Wrestlemania... except not really, since the win was a DQ as a result of Cold Ronda showing up and kicking Becky... and then Becky takes it because... fuck it, who cares?

Now, apparently, she wrestled a house show match and her leg is all better now. And we're supposed to care because... fuck it, I don't care. It's all fake, anyway. Cold Ronnie said so. She cuts this promo that dumb fucks on the Internet are buying as real because she cusses and says the business is scripted... and it comes off as even faker than the fake wrestling promos that everybody else cuts.

And then she shows up, kicks Becky, and points at the sign... oh yeah, this wrestling shit is scripted, but ME POINTING AT SOME FUCKING SIGN IN THE CEILING IS SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS!

And that is how you kill my interest in your Wrestlemania main event.

And I was actually looking forward to it too.

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