Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Royal Ramble: 1996

Last week, we did 1995 and got a so-so show kick off an otherwise shit year for wrestling. This week, we do 1996 and get... well, more of the same, I suppose.

Ahmed Johnson defeated Jeff Jarrett via DQ when Jarrett smashes a guitar over Ahmed's head. Bad match and a bad omen.

WWF Tag-Team Champions The Smoking Gunns defeated the Bodydonnas to retain the titles. This was a thing that happened. Not great, not bad, just about average. Not much else to say here.

Goldust defeated WWF Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon with an assist from 1-2-3-6-Pack Kid to win the title. Poor Razor hasn't had the best of luck at the Rumble; failed to beat Bret Hart for the World title in 93, lost the IC Title to Jeff Jarrett in 95, and now he's losing the belt again to Goldie. I suppose there would be worse ways to go out on, but man, maybe if you gave poor Scott Hall a bone, he would've stuck around. Oh well.

For the second year in a row, Shawn Michaels won the Royal Rumble, last eliminating Diesel and setting the stage for the Wrestlemania XII main event that would be the first domino in what would be a series of interesting events that will leave survivors scarred... or something. Unlike last year, entrants come along every 90-ish seconds and this lasts a little under an hour.

The Undertaker defeated WWF Champion Bret Hart via DQ when Diesel interfered. You ever wonder if Bret was on the money when he talked about being screwed? Here's your World Champion and he's playing second fiddle to two other jabronis while his eventual Wrestlemania opponent will be treated like the greatest thing on God's Green Earth.

Welp, whereas 1995 had a great Rumble kick off a bad year, 1996 had a bad Rumble show kick off a... well, things aren't getting better. This does nothing for me on a whole and I was just mostly bored. Oh well.

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