Monday, June 11, 2018

Brock Lesnar Breaks CM Punk Title Reign Record By Doing Fuck All

Former pro wrestler and now former UFC celebrity fighter CM Punk once held the WWE World Heavyweight Championship for 434 days, having defended the title 141 times before losing it to the Rock to set up a needless "Twice In A Lifetime" rematch with John Cena.

As of today, Brock Lesnar holds the record for the longest reigning WWE champion of the modern day, having defended the Red Belt title throughout this time a grand total of ten times.

Ten times.


If you fuckers want to believe that there is some semblance of so-called prestige in this toy belt that is supposed to be on par with the WWE World championship in the fictional universe of WWE, then I'd very much like to know what brand of drugs you've been shooting so I can avoid that stuff like the fucking plague. This belt is a joke, it has been a joke, it will always be a joke... it's almost a farce at this point.

First champion had to relinquish the belt because he got a boo-boo.

And then you have Kevin Owens, a heel Quebecois. I barely remember anything he's done with the belt and that's sad because his was the most significant.

And then we have Goldberg, who broke two records in not only being the first American to hold the belt, but also being the oldest champion in that lineage, who held it for a couple weeks before dropping it to Brock at Mania and 435 days later, here we are.

Ten. Fucking. Times.

And now Roman Reigns is rumored to be getting another shot at Brock... at Summerslam no less. Because THIS TIME FOR SURE.

Actually, you know what? Maybe CM Punk should tuck his chin and go for another UFC fight... and then THIS TIME FOR SURE, he might actually win.

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