Wednesday, May 23, 2018

WWE Unforgiven 2003

Yeah, fuck it. Let's just get this shit over with. I don't care.

That might not be the most "proper" way of starting a write-up, even on a personal blog, but watching these 2003 WWE PPVs have put me in such a miserable mood that I honestly don't care if I show tact or not. These shows don't deserve that level of respect and Unforgiven is another in a long line of 2003 shows that can suck the proverbial meat missile.

This is made even more sour by the fact that this post is following my tapping out over watching the current WWE product's PPV offerings, which made me not care about stuff that I actually liked watching, but that's WWE for you. They have a gold mine and then they turn it to shit. Good job, guys.

Like I said, let's just get this crap over with.

The Dudley Boyz defeated Raw Tag-team champions La Resistance and Rob Conway in a handicap Tables elimination match to win the titles. Well, the good news is that the evil Frenchmen and their American turncoat were defeated by the patriotic Dudleyz. The bad news is that it happened a month later than it could've mattered... but that's pretty much a done deal one way or another, so... whatever.

Test defeated Scott Steiner with the accidental assistance of Stacy Kieble, who whacked Steiner with a chair. As a result, Steiner now works for Test... and then both guys proceed to treat Stacy like shit. Whatever.

Randy Orton defeated Shawn Michaels with the help of some brass nux in the show's first genuinely good match. Orton was still part of the Evolution thing that people like to glorify and romanticize as this really big deal that was all kinds of awesome, but going back to watch these shows, Evolution was such a fucking bore that I'm actually not at all shocked that they would try to make this faction seem bigger than it actually was. The idea of Evolution was that it was supposed to be WWE's take on the Four Horsemen... except not as good.

Trish Stratus and Lita defeated Molly Holly and... hey, it's Gail Kim. Anyone remember Gail kim? Eh, whatever. Anyway, this was perfectly acceptable wrestling fare. It's easy to forget how decent some of these Women matches were back in the day; probably because we've had to sit through some really horrible ones afterwards until the #LOLDivasRevolution #LOLWomenRevolution came along.

Kane (fresh off being unmasked and setting poor Jim Ross on FAH-R! BAH GAWD KING! I'M ON FAH-R! WHERE'S MAH BAR BEE CUE SAUCE?!) defeated Shane McMahon in a last man standing match. This is a match whose build up include Kane shocking Shane's balls with jumper cables as well as a civilized conversation between the two over a light dinner... and then we get Shane beating on Kane for a bit before he misses the elbow through the table and we're back to whatever.

Intercontinental champion Christian defeated Rob Van Dam and Chris Jericho to retain the title. Ran a little long for my tastes, but it was alright otherwise.

And then we get a ten-hour McSon-In-Law promo because I have trouble sleeping or something.

Al Snow and Jonathan Coachman defeated Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler with the help of Chris Jericho to become the RAW announce team. Despite this, JR and King get to call the last match. This change in commentary team did not last long, as JR and King would back in a couple weeks or so, making this match a complete and utter waste of time. All together now... WHATEVER.

Goldberg defeated World Champion McSon-In-Law to win the title... and nobody cared. There was the stipulation where Goldberg would have to retire if he didn't win the title, which almost guaranteed a Goldberg win... and nobody cared. And that's the key thing... nobody cared. Timing is everything and when you have something build to the moment and that moment doesn't happen, you lose the audience. It is a lesson that is worth beating into the head of every promoter, booker, writer, whoever... and a lesson that was never learned by anyone in WWE as they continue this practice to this very day.

I wasn't paying attention to the match - the usual overbooked nonsense. There was no reasn for me to care about the match because I already knew the end result. And while it was the right ending, much like the Dudleys winning the tag titles, this win should've taken place at Summerslam when it would've mattered the most. But for whatever reason, it didn't happen. And now that it happened here, it's like... whatever.

And that's the whole show in a nutshell. Unforgiven 2003 could be best described as "Whatever." Only a couple good matches to be found here, but otherwise the whole show is just a huge waste of time... perhaps even more watching this roughly fifteen years later. The whole thing just leaves such a sour taste in my mouth that when it's over and done, I'm more relieved than anything. I wouldn't go so far as to call it one of the worst shows ever - there are FAR worse - but it was certainly one of the most apathetic ones.

Not worth it.

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