Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Discover The Predictability

"Oh look! That Chinese movie star is a Star Trek captain. I betcha she dies in a couple episodes."

"Look, it's that Ash Tyler fellow who's been on a Klingun ship for seven months. I betcha he's really that albino Klingun, VOQ... SON OF FOQ."

"Wow, that Captain Lorca dude is a bit of a dick. I betcha he's from that Mirror Universe with all the evil goatees and shit."

"Holy fuck! Another universe! I betcha they're in THAT universe. Wink wink. Hey, where'd my goatee go?"

"Oh boy! They have an Emperor! I betcha it's that Chinese woman who they killed off twenty episodes ago!"

At this point, there's no point in producing mystery boxes for Trekkies. They'll figure out your end game before you do... poor JJ Abrams learned that lesson the hard way with the whole Khanberbatch mess years ago. Just give us a good story and a fun ride. That'll more than suffice.

Oh, and ease off on the diversity pride here. We've already had captains who were colored and female years before it became the "fad" it is today. Your only real accomplishment is a tasteful same-sex relationship whose main contribution is that it's given birth to the term "sperm drive."

In fact... "I betcha they power the sperm drive with MORE SPERM! DERP!"

This has been a completely pointless and jovially silly musing.

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