Tuesday, November 21, 2017

WCW Starrcade 1999

Oy, oy, oy... maybe going forward wasn't such a hot idea.

So we jump ahead to 1999 and by this point, WCW was teetering on the edge; their glory days feeling like a fleeting memory. Eric Bischoff, the man who brought WCW to new heights, had been turfed and in his place was a man named Bill Busch, whose first big move was to hire former WWF writers Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara and have them steer the WCW ship. Seemed like a good idea at the time; the guys responsible for planting the seeds to the WWF's rise to prominence would surely be able to replicate the same results here.

Well, that didn't quite happen, now did it?

Vito Lograsso and Johnny The Bull defeated Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux to put me the fuck to sleep. Apparently afterwards, Disco gets tossed into the back of a truck and... why the fuck do I care again?

Chris Benoit is awarded the US title via forfeit since Scott Hall is injured or something. However, Benoit doesn't want to accept the title that way and challenges anyone to fill in Hall's spot in that ladder match they're supposed to have later that night. For anyone who cares, Benoit ends up facing Jeff Jarrett later that night and wins. That is all.

Madusa (a.k.a. Alundra Blayze, a.k.a. that woman who tossed the WWF Women's title in the trash and now drives monster trucks for a living - can't complain) defeated WCW Women's champion Evan Karagias (a young male wrestler who would eventually be one third of "pop group sensation" 3-Count) to win the title... oh, what's that? It's not the Women's title? Then what... Oh, it's the Cruiserweight title? Oh... oh, okay. Well... who cares? Match sucked, but at least it was short. Madusa would later drop the title to Oklahoma, a bad Jim Ross parody played by Ed Ferrara. Joy.

We then cut... TO THE BACK! As we see a bunch of guys beat up Meng... then Norman Smiley shows up and pins him for some reason... I'd go back and watch, but I really don't want to.

The Revolution defeated Jim Duggan, who introduced the Varsity Club (an old stable comprised ...) who then subsequently turned on Duggan because sure, why not? There's a point where I'm supposed to care, but I really don't. Meanwhile, I'm absolutely amazed that I am able to enjoy Duggan in that Legends House show from a few years ago, but when it comes to his matches... eh. They are an acquired taste, if nothing else. I just couldn't get into them otherwise.

Vampiro defeated Dr. Death Steve Williams via DQ to earn five minutes with Ed Okie, who would also prove too much of a challenge for Vampiro that it would take the Vamp-man FIVE WHOLE MINUTES to score a pinfall on Okie... mind you, I was going to make a comparison of Ed Okie being as formidable as Stephanie McMahon these days, but even poor Ed doesn't deserve that shitstain of an analogy.

Creative Control (a.k.a. the Harris Brothers) and Curt Hennig defeated Harlem Heat and some chick named Midnight to earn the Harris boys a tag title shot at some point... so we could've just had the twins and Heat without the extra stuff and given the former Mr. Perfect something else to do.

Bret Hart defeated World champion Goldberg via Montreal Screwjob re-enactment with Roddy Piper playing the role of Earl Hebner, Goldberg playing the role of Bret Hart, and Bret Hart playing the role of Shawn Michaels to win the title... you must imagine how THRILLED Bret was to be part of that particular finish. Anyway, beyond that, the match is mostly remembered for the kick that ended Bret Hart's wrestling career and not much else. Bret would forfeit the title the next night, only to win it back the same night and then join another nWo reboot before being gone a few weeks later.

Hoo. Lee. Fuck. This show sucked. And I'm pretty sure I blanked out on parts of it, but that ought to be a sign that this show was just god awful. There was no reason to care about anything, everything is done for the sake of getting things done, and nothing makes sense. In a way, it's like 1999 WWF, except you cared and could overlook some of the stupid shit going on.

This show is another example of the worst of Vince Russo booking and perhaps lends credence to the point that his two-year stint in WWF was a success due primarily to the people around him who were able to make his stuff workable. I don't want to turn this into a Russo critique because that's pretty much cliche at this point, but maybe there's more to that stint than just the "filter" excuse that doesn't quite stick. At the end of the day, if Russo was the one responsible for the two years of Attitude Era success, then he should be able to replicate that elsewhere, whether it'd be WCW or TNA. He never did and as such, you're stuck with shows like this which were awful back then and have especially aged horribly over time.

There would only one more Starrcade event following this one... but I don't want to touch that one just yet. So I won't... yet.

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