Monday, June 19, 2017

WWE Money In The Bank 2017

This show doesn't deserve a banner, so it doesn't get a banner.

WWE Money In The Bank 2017 put me to sleep. I've said this often in somewhat exaggerated fashion in the past, but this time, there is no hyper hyperbole at work here. This show literally put me to sleep watching it live that I ended up missing the ladder match except for the tail end of it. I'm watching again early morning and this has the same potency as a Triple H promo in terms of curing insomnia. Not even the strong coffee with the high caffeine is getting shit in gear.

Anyway, on with the show... try to stick around for a bit.

We open the show with the first Women's Money In The Match ladder match where the winner gets a guaranteed shot at the Smackdown Women's title. Your participants are Charlotte Flair, Nattie Neidhart, Becky Lynch, Carmella Sawft, and Tamina Snuka. And after about a dozen minutes of pretty dull action, the winner of the match ends up being James Ellsworth, who isn't an active participant in this match... also, not a woman.

So the first Women's Money In The Bank ladder match is won by a man... Take that, feminism! HA!

Oh, boy... the shitstorm that will cause.

Records will say that Carmella won it... I guess, but... no, James Ellsworth won the Women's Money In The Bank ladder match. So I guess he wants to follow in the footsteps of Harvey Wippleman and become the second man to hold the Women's Title? I don't know; did WWE hire back Vince Russo or something? This sounds like the sort of shit finish he would cook up.

The New Day defeated tag-team champs the Usos via countout when, after a few minutes of back and forth action that almost put me to sleep, the Usos take the title and flee. Usos retain the titles... wow, two shit finishes in a row. I would've preferred an intentional DQ over a countout.

Women's champ Naomi defeated Lana to retain the title. This was Lana's first WWE match after some training and trial runs on NXT house shows. And for a first time effort, Lana was actually not terrible. I was expecting an almost Eva Marie level of horribleness, but Lana did the best she could and while it's not good, at least she tried... I'm trying to be diplomatic about this match sucking wind so much and I can't exactly fault Naomi for trying her best to work with what she has.

So we get the long awaited debut of Mike Bennett and Maria Kenellis, who seem to be doing the same thing they did wherever else they were paired up.

We then get a rollcall of legends in attendance at ringside; presumably added for the upcoming WWE title match. Naturally, Cowboy Bob is there because his son is challenging for the title. But you also got Sgt. Slaughter, Ric Flair, Baron Von Raschke, Larry "The Ax" Hennig, and Greg Gagne. So we have all these legends in Orton home turf, so that they could witness...

WWE Champion Jindermahinder Taj Mahal defeating Randy Orton with timely outside interference from the two Jinder lackeys bullying the legends and pretty much doing the same shit finish as the last time to retain the title. Now, see, Jinder winning the title last month was a nice little surprise, but seeing him retain here was just "meh." So, I guess they're doing something right if their goal is to make everyone as boring and bland as humanly possible.

In a sort of quickie match to finish off the whole Fashion Police bit. Fandango and Tyler Breeze defeated the Ascension and nobody cares. Funny thing is I actually liked the few Fashion Police bits they did; both guys are pretty entertaining, but they deserve something better than the Ascension.

By the time we got to the main event ladder match, I was already fast asleep. I'd imagine it was a good match given the talent in there, but I am so over these sorts of matches that I could hardly get excited over them. A shit ladder match would've  at least been interesting, but these guys are just too good to let something like that happen, so... we get this.

Nakamura was taken out during the entrance by Baron Corbin - a spot I wish they did more of these days rather than the bullshit "champs walk out" finish - which left us with Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens, AJ Styles, and Dolph Ziggler. The King Of Strong Style does make it back eventually and we even get a tease of AJ vs. Shinsuke before Corbin ruins the whole thing and wins the match.

So your winner of the 2017 Money In The Bank ladder match is Baron Corbin... I'm almost disappointed that they didn't get someone like Tamina Snuka and grab the mens' briefcase or something to conclude the string of shit finishes... but hey, Corbin wins. Not sure if that's a good thing or not, but it could've been worse, so whatever... the show's over. I'm done.

Back to bed. Good night.

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