Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Flash Fiction #06 - Bob by Bob

Somewhat based on a true story, the names have been changed to protect the obvious.

Once upon a time, there was a youngster named Jason. He enjoyed playing ancient video games. His favorite game of all time was an 8-bit title called Super Mario Bros. 3. It was a game he enjoyed playing since the early age of 8, when he received the title as a birthday gift, and continues to play religiously at the ripe age of 14, when more powerful and innovative games were on the market and much more popular. Jason never cared for the Call of Duties or God of Wars that made the hardcore market's nether regions shrink with each passing day. He was happy slapping evil mushrooms down with his raccoon tail.

One day, Jason came across a book written by someone named Chip Bobman, titled “SMB3: Block By Block.” Excited to read a book about his favorite game, he forked the money to buy the book and began reading it bit by bit each night. As he progressed further into the book, however, his excitement turned to utter dread and bitterness as each passing page proved more distressful than the last. Bad enough the thing was littered with numerous typos, grammatical errors, and overwhelming formatting issues that would cause a pre-schooler to balk at such sloppiness, but Jason was mortified to discover that the book was less about promoting the virtues of SMB3 and more about Bob, his family issues, his depressing childhood, and his need to explain why the people who hated his content were stupid idiotheads. Each passing page, filled with vile venom worse than before, slowly but surely killed his love for SMB3... brick by brick.

Some time later, Jason would sell away his copy of SMB3 for dirt cheap; enough to purchase the latest rehashed edition of Call of Duty. It wasn't long before that became his favorite game. When people would ask what happened to his other favorite game, his words were filled with bitterness and utter disdain.

“Chip Bobman ruined Super Mario Bros. 3.”

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