Monday, September 26, 2016

WWE Clash Of Champions 2016

Two weeks later and it's Raw's turn to throw out a brand-exclusive PPV. The name of the show is Clash of Champions, which is really just Night Of Champions with some inklings of an old WCW being reused. I honestly don't know why they changed the name other than to remind people of WCW's occasional television specials... that aired on TBS for free... and was called Clash Of The Champions. Why couldn't they add "the" into the title? It would've sounded better.

Anyway, let's get to it with some super quick thoughts.

Raw Tag-Team Champions The New Day (Same Old Shit) defeated Gallows and Anderson to retain the titles in an okay match with some decent action, but New Day's act is getting tiresome and that kept me from enjoying the match as much as I probably should've. So I guess they're really going to push New Day until December when they eventually break Demolition's record, huh? That's commitment, I suppose. A shame that the act is getting staler than old granny pants real fast.

Cruiserweight champion TJ Perkins defeated Brian Kendrick to retain the Cruiserweight championship. For those who have no clue what's going on, TJ Perkins won a 32-man, multi-week tournament called the Cruiserweight Classic - actually a pretty good show worth checking out on the WWE Network if you have it. The problem is... while the match was a good back-and-forth, up-and-comer-versus-veteran match, they just introduced the Cruiserweights a week ago on RAW and unless one remembers Brian Kendrick from years prior (or his brief appearances in Total Divas), nobody is going to know who these guys are. And as such, nobody is going to CARE.

It's one of the biggest problems WWE has at the moment; whenever they bring up a new guy to the roster, they immediately assume the audience knows who they are because they appeared on NXT or some similar show. The reality is that while WWE programming is catering to the pre-existing audience who may or may not the Network, I'm willing to bet that not everyone has the network and that not everyone who has the network is watching these extra shows. So, yes, we got a good little Cruiserweight match on there, but no reason to care about either guy. That's what RAW is for.

The match between Sheamus and Cesaro ends in a no-contest when both guys fall over a barricade and the doctors stop the match. Fuck you... oh and if we're waiting another month for the unneccesary "Match 8" in an endless series of tedium to take place at their next PPV, then FUCK YOU. These pointless doctor stoppages are stupid and have ruined many a good match with their inanity. It really takes me out of the story when you have a good, hard-fought match with plenty of intensity... and it gets stopped by a really stupid, tacked on ending. And then people wonder why wrestling isn't catching on these days.

Here's the reality of the situation; wrestling is not a real sport. It's performance art, it's theatre, it's what people once termed as a male soap opera. Vince McMahon went to the trouble of announcing that wrestling was scripted, pre-determined entertainment (or as non-fans would call it, fake) so that he would avoid having to deal with state athletic commissions that would impose curfews and stop matches with doctors... and I get you want to try and bring back some of the mystique and make wrestling believable... but THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO DO IT, ASSHOLES!

In a bit of hilarity, Mick Foley would tweet the following "Anyone claiming to be a wrestling fan, complaining about the finish of @WWESheamus @WWECesaro needs to take a moment to kiss my arse." This coming from the same guy who once broke a TV because he didn't like the finish to a Royal Rumble. But I guess he saw the light and kissed Vince's arse... because his kids are employed with the company, he's got a WWE Network series and a major role on RAW as resident tool. So good advice, dude!

In conclusion... fuck you. Moving on.

Chris Jericho defeated Sami Zayn in a pretty good match. Started somewhat slow, but picked up steam towards the end. I have no problem with Jericho, as he can actually still go and he's at least entertaining in his role as stupid idiot friend to champion of the universe Kevin Owens. There'll be plenty of opportunities for Sami Zayn to beat Jericho next month, I guess. I guess because the ending isn't shit, the action is decent, and I cared somewhat about the participants, this is my match of the night... which means nothing, but it's something, I guess.

RAW Women's champion Charlotte defeated Bayley and Sasha Banks by pinning Bayley to retain the title... so what's the point of tossing Bayley in there if you're just going to have Charlotte win? Why couldn't it have been a rubber match between Charlotte and Sasha where Charlotte would retain and...? Oy. The match was fine, good action, and certainly with three women who know each other better than anyone, you'd expect some level of quality... but man, the endings are really shitty here and the logic is almost Russo-esque in nature.

Roman Reigns defeated US champion Rusev to win the title and... yay? So exactly why am I supposed to care about Roman Reigns again? I feel that's been lost somewhere. I mean, it's good that you're giving Roman a nice midcard title to hold on instead of thrusting him back to Universal Title status, but I still need a reason as to why I'm supposed to cheer for this obnoxious douchebag. Minor point; there's a point where Roman was about to win and Lana pulled the ref out to stop the count... and then the ref ejects Lana. There goes any reason for me to care about this match.

Universal champion of the universe Kevin Owens defeated Seth Rollins via overbooking to win the match. It's already a troubling sign when your main event match for a top championship feels like a generic mid-card match for the Intercontinental title. And despite my best efforts, I still find that red belt to be silly and can't consider it championship material. I like the run in from Jericho because he's looking out for his best friend (so he could probably stab him in the back for a future title shot, I suppose), but then the ref gets knocked out (with no doctors coming in to stop the fight... WTF?!) and then five years later, Steph sends a new ref in to count the convenient pinfall that earns KO the victory. Because it's gotta be all about Stephanie... fuck you.

So that was Clash Of Champions... and it was a thing that happened... I've seen this shit before, only with different players... but it's the same shit that's been going for years. Despite promises of a new era, it's all been there, done that. Man, I dig Kevin Owens; his promos are good stuff and he like his move set, but he's being absolutely wasted in the role they placed him in; a role that some other guy was put in and floundered as well. The wrestling was fine, but the finishes were shit and there was no reason for me to care about anything going on. The main story isn't even about Kevin Owens and whoever. It's about Stephanie and McSon-In-Law... again. And quite frankly, I've had my share of creative cancer for the past couple years.

And then people wonder why I don't watch RAW anymore. Maybe I should extend that over to their PPVs as well.

So, no, Mick. I won't be kissing your arse or anybody else's arse. You can, however, kiss mine since you seem to have a knack for it these days. I can't promise you another WWE Network special, but I promise I'll post something nice for Christmas this year.

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