Saturday, January 23, 2016

Royal Ramble: 2007

Based on a recent viewing of the show from the Royal Rumble anthology DVD set that came out around 2007-ish, it's time to share some ramblings on the 2007 iteration of the Royal Rumble spectacular. But this one's going to be somewhat different because in addition to more modern thoughts on an ancient event, I will also include my old "blog" entry (from the old DTM Blog) that was being written as the Rumble was taking place. Sort of like a running commentary of sorts, but done in single sentences and stuff. That makes it interesting to compare and contrast my thoughts for what it's worth.

Anywhoo... on with the show.

The Hardyz beat MNM in a pretty solid offering of tag-team action. For those who spared themselves the misfortune of sitting through the prior month's horrible December To Dismember PPV event, you get the opportunity to watch this match here, only without the ball-faced lie about this being a one-time affair. Nice way to open the event, I think.

ECW World Champ Bobby Lashley beat Test via countout, because apparently Test in 2007 was a big deal that was worth protecting. Unfortunately, he wasn't being protected from the right things and would later pass away. I feel like a dick now in saying that... then I saw this match and suddenly, I didn't feel so bad. Then again, this match did nothing for me and I wasn't exactly a fan of Lashley's ECW title run in general. (Spoiler Alert; He'd lose the title in a few months to Vince McMahon... yeah, that was a thing.)

Lashley would beat up Test after the match... so what was the point of the countout? How can I buy into the match if it brings up so many unanswered questions?

Smackdown World champion Batista beat Mr. Kennedy to retain the title. I suppose the end result was a gimme given that Mr. Kennedy (a.k.a. Ken Anderson or Mr. Anderson in TNA) was still a "green prospect" in WWE at the time and there was no way Big Dave was losing this one. Thought this match was good back when, but looking at it now, it was merely okay. Wasn't too thrilled with this one as much as I used to be. Still, it's not the most horrible thing in the world. It's just there.

RAW WWE Champion John Cena beat Umaga in a Last Man Standing match to retain the title. Anyone who was surprised by this end result either never watched a WWE show or probably works for WWE. And as much flak as Cena gets for his relatively limited repertoire, never let it be said that he never delivers the goods when it counts and this was certainly the case here. While the obvious endgame soured me on the match back in 2007, watching it in subsequent years made me appreciate this one a little more. At the end of the day, a last man standing match should feel like a fight to the bitter end and this is exactly what we got here. Both guys pulled off a hell of an effort and should be commended for it.

The Undertaker, entering at no. 30, wins the Royal Rumble. I've basically reposted the old running commentary below from the old blog if you want to see my inane thoughts during the time. In all honesty, the whole Rumble was just a thing that happened, with nothing of note really happening until the closing moments, with Shawn and 'Taker the last two in the ring and basically giving fans a primer for their eventual and awesome encounters at Wrestlemanias years down the line.

Overall... meh. I've got nothing. There's a couple good matches here and there, and the final moments of the Rumble is good stuff, but not enough to save the show, I'm afraid.


Bonus: EXTENDED RESULTS FOR ROYAL RUMBLE (as well as a live recap)
In an attempt to do things a bit differently, I did a live recap of the Royal Rumble bout on the Blog. Didn't amount to much and won't be a regular deal, but it's worth a shot. So here's the collected recap as well as the end results. Warning: I was a hell of a lot more vulgar than usual. Some would suggest otherwise.

Opening Bout: The Hardyz beat MNM in a typical match of theirs. Solid stuff, but nothing we haven't seen before.

ECW World Champ Bobby Lashley beat Test via countout, a true copout ending that further buries Test.

World champ Batista beat Mr. Kennedy in a surprisingly good match.

WWE champ John Cena beat Umaga... anyone who is surprised by this should stop watching Raw.

Now it's time for the Rumble.

Ric Flair enters #1.

Finlay enters #2.

I guess they want to get rid of the old folks first. Solid wrestling between two veterans

Kenny Dystra enters at #3.

Nice, solid fight here. Nothing special.

Mattitude Matt Hardy enters at #4

Edge enters at #5.

So we now have two former World champs, one of them apparently looking for a dialysis machine... oh wait, Flair's got a chair.

Ops Flair is out by Dystra.

Dystra is out by Edge... fucking moron.

Tommy Dreamer enters at #6... no fucking chance at winning this thing, but at least he's got an ECW chant out of it.

Dead right now.

Sabu enters at #7... another guy with no chance of winning. Wait, Sabu's getting a table... What the fuck for?

Sabu and Dreamer fight for a bit before Sabu turns to kicking Hardy's ass. Short Sabu chant happens.

Gregory Helms enter at #8... he fights Hardy... oops, Finlay saves his ass from being eliminated by Sabu. Lots of near-eliminations here.

Hey look, ECW is still in the match. Surprise right there.

Coming in at #9, it's Shelton Benjamin... a veteran of lasting a few minutes in the rumble before being eliminated. Hey, look! Hardy saves himself again. That guy is so fucking lucking he's still around.

Kane comes in at #10, his ninth consecutive Rumble. Whoo-hoo. He chokeslams everyone.

Tommy Dreamer's killed by Kane. Almost got Sabu... wait a minute, spoke too soon. Sabu's gone through a table he set up outside. Serves him right. Goes to show how much of an idiot Sabu is.

Next up at #11, it's CM Punk. Won't last long either.

CM Punk got a chant (and almost eliminated, but that's okay).

King Booker comes in at #12... wisely forgoes the annoying "Hail King Booker" chants. JBL going into a tangent.

Oops, there goes Gregory Helms. Oh well, least he's got his Cruiserweight Title.

Super Crazy enters at #13. Announcers make many puns about his name. Super Idiot? Come on, Bradshaw. You know better than that!

Coming at #14 is... the other Hardy fuck. He goes after Finlay (who's #2), thus making Hardy the most intelligent man in the Rumble thus far.

Hardyz kicking Edge's ass. Kicking Super Stupido's ass. Trying to kick Kane's ass but fail miserably.

Entry #15 is ECW's drunken bastard... the Sandman!

Only his second beer, Cole?

Sandman canes the shit out of everyone... and gets eliminated by Booker T... oh well... see ya, Sandy.

Next up at #16... Randy Orton. RKO eliminates Stupido Crazy. Yay.

Jeff Hardy gone.

Matt Hardy gone.

No one gives a shit. Let's move on.

Entering at #17... Chris Benoit. No love for his brother Mike Benoit ... what brother Mike Benoit? Well, you see... ah, never mind.

RVD is #18... no chance of lasting long.

There goes Booker T.

Booker T gets back in and eliminates Kane.

At #19... oh man, here comes that fat ass Viscera...

#20 is Johnny Nitro... goes after RVD.  Viscera farts on CM Punk. More focus on RKO. Shelton almost got outed.

#21 is Kevin Thorne... formerly known as Mordecai. Nobody seems to give a shit either way.

Lots of close eliminations. Finlay is still in there.

Coming in at #22, it's Hardcore Sparky Plug Holly. Nobody besides WWE gives a shit about him either.

Next at #23, it's... Shawn Michaels... Killing Finlay.

500 people killed Viscera.

Shelton's gone.

Let the bodies hit the... fuck it.

Sucker #24 is Chris Masters... the Steroid Piece. Chris Masters has about as much chance of winning the match as I do of getting a penis mightier. Not gonna happen.

There goes Johnny Nitrogen. Fuck him.

Here comes #25... It's Chavito... after the Eddie exploitation he's been involved with of his own free will, I hope he doesn't last long.

There goes the vampire Thorne. Nobody gives a shit.

At #26, it's the Power Ranger... er, I mean, Mortimer Vontasuckus Pottihole. Who cares?

Chris Masters is gone... nobody gives a rat's ass anyway.

Lucky 27 is the afro-freak Carlito. Another guy with no chance of winning.

HBK almost got outed by RVD. HBK's in trouble. All these guys suck.

#28... Giant Gonzales, I mean, Great Khalipileofshit.

Lots of headbutts. Oh God. Somebody shoot this guy.

Sparky Plugg is gone.

Miz is #29... and is gone.

So's RVD.

So's CM Punk.

So's Carlito... wait... yeah

So's Chavito.

The last idiot in there is Undertaker.

There goes the Khalishit.

Now Taker beats the shit out of everyone.

There goes MVPiss.

RKO beats on Taker.


RKO is gone.

It's down to Shawn and Taker.

Old-school match.

Old farts fight.

Shawn's got him

No... Taker's got him.

Holy crap. This is getting good.

Shawn's gone.

Taker wins.

Oh well...

So final tally of predictions:

Predictions Right: 2 (Batista, Cena)
Predictions Wrong: 3 (MNM, Lashley, Taker)

All in all, a good solid card.

Oh look, he's got pyro.

Good night. I'm done.

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