Sunday, September 13, 2015

#LOLDivasRevolution (and a bit of Stinger)

Let's talk wrestling. Let's talk WWE. Let's talk Night Of Champions. Let's talk Seth Rollins defending the US Title against John Cena. Let's talk Seth Rollins defending the WWE Title against Sting.

Actually, on second thought, let's NOT because you know what? That's almost vaguely interesting as opposed to really interesting. I think the deal with Sting is that either Seth retains through dubious fashion or Sting actually wins the WWE title and then Sheamus cashes in and beats Sting for the title... and I wouldn't be opposed to that, actually, because it kinda kills two birds with one stone. Sting can claim that he finally won a WWE World title and then you can give it Sheamus who may look stupid, but can come as something of a more imposing villain than the way Seth Rollins was treated because, hey, guy's a great worker, gets it done in the ring, but his character was absolute shit given the role he was placed in.

But hey, if Sting does get a nice little reign out of it, I wouldn't be opposed to that either, despite having every reason to do so since it's an older gentleman, but at the same time, it's Sting. And Sting winning a WWE championship would be one of those things that might be noteworthy if only because... well, Sting in WWE in any capacity is noteworthy. Sting winning a title... that might be something. Hell, just reading the eventual backlash that will come about is probably going to be entertaining in itself, but I'd more content having Sting being the oldest man to win the title than, say, Vince McMahon.

But I'll tell you what. Sting winning a WWE Title will mean a hell of a lot more than what the WWE is doing with their Divas and this fictitious "Divas Revolution" that is anything but. And it seems like WWE is missing the point of what made the women in NXT a joy to watch while sitting through a Divas segment on anything outside the NXT sphere of influence is akin to drinking a six-pack of drain cleaner.

Alright, so what is this Divas revolution? It's a thing where Stephanie McMahon shows up and brings in three NXT women into the main roster and two of them gets paired up with pale diva Paige while Sasha Banks gets stuck with Naomi and Tamina, daughter of our latest legend that WWE is distancing themselves from and on top of that, we're giving these teams of three horrible names like Team Bad... Team PCB... Team PMS... and this revolving door of three teams having mundane matches with each other is WWE's sad attempt at "revolutioning the Divas division" when, in reality, it's the same ol' Divas shit but with three new faces that are capable of putting on good matches but are hamstringed from doing so because the rest of their featured crop of Divas - with few exceptions - can't hack it on their level.

You go back to that Summerslam weekend... that Saturday, you had the NXT Takeover show from Brooklyn. The match of the night on the show? The NXT Women's Title match between Sasha Banks and Bailey (edit: it's BAYLEY, you fool! Can't you spell people's names right?!). An incredibly entertaining match that told a good story, had its share of solid wrestling action, and perhaps most importantly, gave people a reason to care about the two women in the ring, giving it their all. And when the match was over and you had that curtain call deal with Charlotte and Becky Lynch joining in, it was a really cool moment that the crowd genuinely appreciated and enjoyed. And it was solid proof that, yes, it is possible to give a rat's ass about women's wrestling on the WWE level if you put on a compelling product with women's wrestling in it.

Fast forward to Monday Night RAW... and yes, there was a Divas match on Summerslam and it was meh, but it's the RAW segment that truly depicts the absolutely asinine approach to the Divas. Starts off with a horrible Miz TV segment with Ric Flair's daughter, the Steampunkin' Irish, and the Pasty Pale Diva... then the Bellas show up because they personify the clock setting back women empowerment by about three centuries and then we get, wait for it, another horrible tag match... somewhat enhanced by the crassness of the Brooklyn crowd, who would prefer to shoot out catcalls and absolutely shit on the match than try to gain any semblance of enjoyment, if such a thing were possible... baring in mind that just two days prior, they were into a solid women's match... and that goodwill went out the proverbial glory hole at full force.

Now, this caused the "infamous" Twitter war of words where Paige and Brie Brian shat back at the Brooklyn crowd and the crowd cried foul and they deleted their Tweets, but... here's the thing. On the one hand, it's Brooklyn, it's a new York crowd, you can expect some rowdy fans to go beyond the parameters of what could be considered acceptable tastes and well, an argument can be made that Paige and Brie were right to call out their sticklers who "helped to bring about the Revolution and then shit on it as a result." But on the other hand, it's Brooklyn, it's a New York crowd, and New York is still a hotbed for the most diehard wrestling fans there. If you get something over in New York, you're on to something special. But if New York doesn't like what you're selling, then they will let you know about it and the results won't be pretty. Just ask Brock Lesnar or Bill Goldberg how the crowd reacted to their match at Wrestlemania 20 in 2004.

Now the reaction this Divas segment got seems tamer in comparison, but the same point could be levied here. New York simply didn't like the latest edition of #LOLDivasRevolution and they responded in kind. Sucks for the ladies who gave their all and I can agree that they don't deserve ALL the blame... but the bottom line is that New York didn't care about this #LOLDivasRevolution. The same New York crowd, mind you, that were thoroughly engaged in a NXT Women's Title match just two days prior in the SAME BUILDING... and yet, for Monday Night RAW, they were given this tepid affair that was designed not to bring about change in how the Divas are portrayed in WWE... but rather to further the push of absolutely talentless women who are in the position they are because of a popular yet equally tepid reality show on the E! network... and also because who they happen to be sleeping with... and also Alicia Fox is there for some reason because they had nothing better for her to do, I guess.

It's sad because you watch NXT and you watch that show and they treat all their talent with equal amounts of respect and integrity in regards to presentation. The women matches are enjoyment, the women have unique characters and personalities, you're given a reason to care about these women. And you follow these women, you enjoy their matches, you can't wait until they hit the main roster and show their stuff... but a small part wishes that they never leave NXT because deep down, you know, the minute they hit RAW or Smackdown, those ladies who have all the talent in the world will be reduced to afterthoughts and forced to wrestle a style that doesn't make their interchangeable models look bad... which is about as easy to pull off as dividing by zero. And unfortunately, that's the case here.

I mean... what is this Divas Revolution supposed to be? A revolution is supposed to bring about change and we didn't get that chance. The Divas revolution would've been the three NXT girls coming in, wipes the floor with the rest of the Divas, one of the new girls beats John Cena's fucktoy for the Divas title, replaces it with a new title belt, and you go from there. It's not a great idea, but it's something. But a revolution needs to bring about change or else there is no revolution. And as long as the whole division is focused around the utterly worthless Bellas, there is no revolution. It is the same old shit, but with a couple new faces that were making waves in development and reduced to more deadweight that people don't care about. I mean, it's already happening with Charlotte; a talented woman in her own right who SHOULD have her own character and her own personality, but is ultimately destined to best known for being Ric Flair's daughter than anything. And more often than not, it is a commonality that the offspring will never measure up to the old man... although to be fair, Charlotte is in no danger of being the next David Flair or the next Erik Watts because she CAN put on a good match.

At the end of the day, the Divas division got three new faces and not much else. There's no new change, there's no further interest in the division, the focus is still on the vacuum of entertainment known as the Bellas, the whole thing is just going nowhere until Nikki eventually break AJ Lee's Divas title reign record for the sole purpose to delivering one final "fuck you" to her husband Phil Brooks... but then, once that's out of the way, we'll eventually see real change in the Divas division, right? You know, that revolution and that whole #GiveDivasAChance fiasco has to come about somewhere, right?

Sure, it will. Nikki will eventually drop the belt to Charlotte and then Charlotte can parade it about for around a month or so before dropping it to WWE's other talentless entertainment blackhole, Eva Marie. After all, why build around someone with the talent and potential to be a genuine superstar in the business when you can instead build around the redheaded flypaper who's catching the attention of the senile old man and his right-hand bucky beaver motherfucker?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you want a Divas Revolution in WWE, just go watch NXT and you'll see some pretty talented women ply their trade and pull off good shows. This farce that they have on RAW? The same thing they've always been in the past; extended piss breaks. Just as a final point to this whole, on NXT, they have a chick called Blue Pants... because she wears blue pants... and that character is more lively and interesting than 99% of the WWE Divas division.

A woman named BLUE PANTS is more interesting than damn near the entire Divas division outside of NXT.

I sure hope BLUE PANTS never makes it to the main roster. Imagine all the shitty jokes that the bucky beaver motherfucker could come up with at her expense.

Sorry, Nattie... but it's probably for the best that you're not part of this Divas revolution. You're not missing out on much.

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