Sunday, August 30, 2015

WWF Summerslam 1995

I purposely held off this one until the very end of the run. And there's a very good flipping reason for that. It's Summerslam from 1995.


If you've been following the blog over the course of this month, you'll probably notice that when it comes to the various '95 events that I've mused over, my reactions have been rather negative. Perhaps I'm being too kind. 1995 was a shit year for wrestling; whether it's the Hulk Hogan wankfest at WCW or... whatever the fuck they were doing in WWF... Look, kids. There's a reason ECW got hot during that time and it wasn't because it was the best looking product out there.

So, here we are... Summerslam 1995. Your main event for the evening is WWF World Champion Diesel defending his championship against 1995 King of the Ring winner, Mabel.

Fuck me. This is going to be painful.

Hakushi defeated The 1-2-3 Kid... hell, you know what? This was fine for what it was. Just two good workers in the ring putting on a good show and showing off their stuff. For an opening match to set the tone or get my hopes up in that I might get something resembling an entertaining wrestling show, this was fine.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley defeated Bob Holly... this is Helmsley's PPV debut, by the way... and... well, he gets better over time.

The Smoking Gunns (Billy Gunn and Bart Gunn) defeated The Blu Brothers (Jacob Blu and Eli Blu) (with Uncle Zebekiah a.k.a. Dirty Dutch Mantell a.k.a. Zeb Colter). Didn't care, moving on.

Perrenial jobber Barry Horowitz defeated Skip (with Sunny) in the match that caused Sunny a coniption fit as a result. This is an example of a match that's more known for the end result than the match itself because other than the "historical footnotiness" of the end result, I couldn't get into this one. Probably because Barry had already beat Skip in a prior edition of Superstars or something.

Bertha Faye (with Harvey Wippleman) defeated WWF Women's Champion Alundra Blayze to win the title. Bertha Faye is best known outside WWF as monster woman wrestler Rhonda Singh, who was made to look like a complete fat fool in WWF and this "match" was the end result. I guess Kevin Dunn wasn't a fan of Rhonda Singh. . Blayze would eventually win the title back and take it with her to WCW towards the end of the year... and I'm sure you know the rest.

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Kama (with Ted DiBiase) in a Casket match. Too long, didn't care. I suppose, for the time, this would've been interesting, but there was no way Kama was going to be Undertaker in his element. Papa Shango, on the other hand...

Bret Hart defeated Isaac Yankem, D.D.S. by disqualification. Why Jerry Lawler's evil dentisted needed to be protected is beyond me, but there you go. Bret did the best he could and in fairness, Yankem wasn't terrible enough to be completely worthless and thus could be salvaged and repackaged with some hellfire and brimstone to be really something. But at the end of the day, the best there was was stuck feuding with a gimmick and cartoon gimmicks almost killed the WWF.

Intercontinental champion Shawn Michaels defeated Razor Ramon in a Ladder match to retain the title. There's a bit of a debate as to whether this match was better than their Mania X effort a year prior or vice versa. I suppose the freshness of not having been exposed to this one all that often would make me say that this is somewhat better, but I kinda liked them both, so there's a bit of conflict for ya.

WWF Champion Diesel defeated King Mabel to retain the title. This match was roughly over nine minutes, but that means it was about nineteen minutes too long. Good lord, this was wretched. A lesson to be learned here, kids; just because you have two big guys in the ring doesn't mean it'll be a good watch in any way, shape, or form. That takes something special... and something special isn't found here.

And that's Summerslam 1995. Seen it once... never want to see it again.

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