Sunday, December 14, 2014

WWE Tables, Ladders, Chairs, Stairs, Stools, Stumps, Etc. 2014

The final WWE "special event" of the year is an interesting one... yeah, no real snazzy introduction for this one, because regardless of whether you're paying 9.99 or 59.99 for this show, it had no chance of even top last month's Survivor Series PPV event, much less the incredible NXT Takeover show from a couple days prior. If you ever wanted to see a stark contrast between the WWE product and their developmental product, check out NXT, which is a refreshing slice of the wrestling pie.

Alas, this post is about the rotten strudel known as TLC... and Stairs... and Stools... and TVs...

We start off with a ladder match for the IC Title. Dolph Ziggler defeating champion Luke Harper to win the title for the nth time. For an opening match, this was fine. A perfectly acceptable ladder match. Ziggler busted his ass here in the match and Luke Harper was no slouch either. Lots of mad falls and ladders surrounding two guys who brought their A-game to the match and it showed. Certainly an example to two guys motivated to pull off their best effort after the rookies kicked all kinds of ass in their NXT special event. Great match, thoroughly enjoyed it.

The Usos defeat WWE Tag Team champions Miz and Damien Mizdow via disqualification. Miz/Mizdow retain as a result. From a highly energetic ladder match, we go to a rather dull and pointless tag match, with Miz doing all the work while Mizdow is relegated to body double. Holy cow, was this the shits.

Big Show defeated Erick Rowan in a Stairs match... why?

John Cena defeated Seth Rollins in a Tables match, because we need to have that third John Cena vs Brock Lesnar match at the Royal Rumble... you remember Brock Lesnar, no? Reigning WWE World Heavyweight Champion? I've completely forgot about him... anyway, at one point, Big Show showed up, which brought out the return of Roman Reigns from the inactive list and I guess we'll be starting that push now. As for the match... well, I'll be honest and say I used this as a piss break, because I knew Cena would win and thus there was no point in watching. But upon rewatching it... meh. It's okay.

Divas champion Nikki Bella defeated AJ Lee to retain the title. I don't give a shit.

Ryback defeated Kane in a Chairs match... again, why?

Not questioning the end result, but rather... a Chairs match? Seriously? We've run the well dry of gimmick matches that we're resorting to building match concepts around pieces of furniture. At some point, I might as well look forward to Hornswoggle vs Chavo Guerrero in a fucking stool match.

United States Champion Rusev defeated Jack Swagger to retain the title... and the only thing that comes to mind is... "This match, again?" At some point, you need to give this Rusev guy bigger fish to fry because I've seen so many Rusev vs Swagger matches already that there's no reason for me or anyone else to want to see another one. I almost wonder why they don't pair him and Ryback together in a match.

Bray Wyatt defeated Dean Ambrose in a TLC match after a television blew up in Ambrose's face because he forgot to unplug the fucking thing when he was going to whack it into Wyatt's face. This was a main event match that had the feel of an old middle-of-the-card hardcore match from the Attitude Era, which left me with no complaints save for the silly ending. But no, this was an enjoyable, satisfying brawl between two fresh faces who took to the spotlight and made the most of it. Not even the exploding TV ruined this match for me. I am worried about where they'll go with Ambrose after this. He's been getting stuck with silly finishes and goofy gimmick weapons as of late that his edge is starting to dull. I hope that isn't the case because he's actually one of the more interesting characters on the show and...

Oh wait. This is WWE. Of course, they'll fuck him up somehow.

But... yeah, on a whole, this was a similar case to last month's Survivor Series PPV where the opening match and the final match on the card were the only things worth watching on this show, although this show isn't anywhere close to that high quality since a garbage match (even an entertaining one) isn't going to outclass the Ziggler comeback. For those expecting a WWE show to outclass the NXT showing a couple days prior will be disappointed because TLC was almost sleep-inducing and is a pisspoor way of ending the PPV run for the year. On the bright side, however, we got fresh faces in the main event and they took to the spotlight. In that regard, it's not too bad a showing, just not a very good one, either.

Unfortunately, next month's Royal Rumble event is going to be headlined by another serving of John Cena vs Brock Lesnar... oh boy, I better bust out the coffee.

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