Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Classic Bite Commentary: April 30th, 2008

(2018 Update: Replaced an older video with an even older Bite commentary.)

Wrestlemania 24 has come and passed. The Webstation has been delayed still. And I posted a small bit of fanfic without frequent updates. With that, welcome to the Bite. Today's commentary is going to be different. I was going to post another shorter commentary to complement the last scathing commentary on how people are expecting Dwayne to help out (and wait until I discuss the actual Hall of Fame), but since being sidelined with an aching shoulder that is slowly getting better (don't ask how I hurt it - it might be long, overdue cramps) and delay of the Webstation, I'd rather write a new one. And here it is.

So despite my sick state, I did manage to catch Mania - well, we missed the first forty minutes because nobody knew the proper PPV channel, but on the other hand, [sarcasm] I was REALLY looking forward to that Belfast Brawl and the formulaic Money-In-The-Bank match to see how Butch Ree- er, I mean, Shelton Benjamin would kill himself this year. [/sarcasm] There's not much to say on the show; it's not the best 'Mania I've seen, but it's certainly good enough and there was enough entertainment value in some of these matches that you couldn't care less about the lesser shit like the "blink and you'll miss it" ECW title match or the usual Diva crap. Even Floyd Mayweather delivered the goods in his match with the Big Show; very good show, I say.

As much as I would have liked to have seen Flair say his goodbyes at 'Mania, the farewell on RAW was truly a beautiful thing. It's hard to tell if it was an appropriate and worthy tribute to a man that many consider to be the all-time great in this wrestling gig, but damn it was pretty close. The question remains now if Flair will stay retired... I doubt it, but hey, let's all believe that one of the greatest careers in wrestling has come to a close... for three months.

Now the whole deal with Rocky and how he ruffled some feathers with his HOF appearance is purely speculative and likely bullshit, as Jim Ross had posted in his blog that it isn't true. I don't doubt that there is resentment from a few WWE guys who thought Rocky's speech was going long and he might have pissed off a couple guys along the way, but then again, Rocky's the most entertaining guy of the bunch. Even years removed from being in the wrestling business, he can cut a killer promo and I'd rather see a three-hour PPV of his best promo work than say a typical three-hour PPV featuring a phoned-in HHH match and a horrible Cena/Orton main event mashed into one.

I'll reserve judgment and revisit this topic once I get a chance to check out the full HOF, but in the meantime, just read the last commentary which has my feelings on Rocky and the WWE mindset against him.

Reposting old Blog entries with expanded thoughts... awesome!

Former sports-entertainer and current speaker Mister Warrior made his return to a wrestling ring some time ago at a NWE event in Europe. When Orlando Jordan (he who loses to the Elephant In The Room in less than a minute in 2005) shows up to heckle a young fan, Warrior beats the crap out of him in vintage Ultimate-style. He does his usual shtick (shaking on the wobbly ropes, pounding his chest like a madman) and gets a decently good reaction. Not bad for someone who hasn't wrestled in ten years.

Looks like he hasn't lost a beat. Not that what he did required much of a beat to lose, but whatever. There's two trains of thought in this: the longtime fan who grew up watching the Warrior will get a kick out of his long awaited return - and I mean that sincerely, since Warrior's last stint in wrestling was less than a decade ago. And the guy who didn't watch the Warrior, haven't heard of the Warrior, or even care for the Warrior will be asking "Who the fuck is this guy? And why is he ripping off Batista?"

Who cares? Here's a link for those wanting to share the experience. Welcome back, Warrior.

If anyone needed any indication that ECW is dead and buried (and believe me, if you need an indication NOW, you are in fucking denial), then consider this it. Longtime voice of ECW Joey Styles is no longer in the booth, now replaced by Mike Adamle... he who called Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey" on his first show. My first thoughts on hearing that was "Yeah, we really need this douche on the mike." But after watching his first show on ECW, I've come to the conclusion that Mike Adama... er, whatever - is generally bland and boring. It seems to me that the wrestling fans are pissed because they replaced Joey Styles with a guy who constantly screws up lines, but the way I saw it, ol' Mike has nothing remotely redeeming to offer other than he screw ups. Even when he did fuck up Jeff Hardy's name at the Royal Rumble, I didn't think he was anything special nor would he last long.

So he's got a regular gig at ECW, a wrestling show that almost nobody watches... almost as much people watching TNA Impact as they continue to announce new innovative directions and still manage to secure the same 1.2 rating from when they first started. According to Paul Heyman, the reason behind this move is because Vince is so convinced that people hate Adamale (again, whatever) that he is banking on the fact people will watch ECW so see what Mike will screw up next.

It's sort of like that Britney Spears situation. People are somehow fascinated on the trainwreck of the singer's life as of late that they'll buy tabloids to see what and how she fucks up her life next. While I'm sure that kind of audience exists - and no doubt scientists around the world are trying to figure why this kind of moronic audience exists - I sure as hell don't give two shits about Britney Spears or her personal mindfuck of a life (and I've made it quite clear in the Bite) and so I sure as hell don't give two shits about how Mike Adamama (who cares?) fucks up his lines. After all, I sat through Tony Schiavone and his ability to falsely advertise every night as being "the single greatest night in the history of our sport."

One thing is certain - as dull and incompetent as Mikey is on the mic, he's still remotely better than Vince McMahon on the mic. That guy was fucking awful - who made the decision to give that idiot an announcing gig?

Oh yeah...

So at the time of this writing (a Tuesday), the Habs are facing the Flyers - with Philly leading in this best of seven series. Right now, you're either thinking "Les Canadiens are still in da play-offs?" or "Holy crap. More hockey talk on the blog?" I promise you that there won't be much to add to the actual game itself, but it's hard not to get caught up in this sudden interest in the home team - especially since they've been having a good season. I swear to God, I haven't seen this much support for the Canadiens since the 90s. You have the little Hab flags stuck on police cruisers, pharmacists are seen wearing Hab shirts on the job, there's a Hab shrine in one of the shops downtown, huge Canadiens banners hanging from the ceiling of a number of shopping malls, etc. You'd think that it would be enough to get the team all the way... let's hope they don't think that way and continue to work their asses off to be the better team. (But if not, there's always the Rangers...)

So yeah, as no doubt many people have heard, after the Habs' first-round victory over the Bruins in a seven-game stretch, there was a big riot caused by many stupid people who broke into stores, burned cop cars, and acted like 'tards all-around. It's definitely sad to see shit like this happens in one's own backyard, especially after a win that is pretty insignificant... let's face it, a first-round win is great to celebrate after a tough battle with a low-tier team like the Bruins, but means nothing if the Habs get eliminated in a later round. Since that time, various members of the public have provided law enforcement with videos and pictures of some culprits and to date, some 20+ arrests have been made. It's certainly good and inspiring to see some upstanding citizens (much less hockey fans - who are most passionate about their game and their team) show some pride in their city by helping to bring in these shitheads, even though the city is being run by more powerful shitheads.

And to think it was also Earth Day. Yeah, what a way to celebrate this environmentally-sound holiday. With violence.

On that note, I bid adieu. Until next month...

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