Classic Bite Commentary: August 31st, 2006

(2018 update: Replaced An older post with an even older Bite commentary.)




I welcome you to the Bite and, for those who haven't come here yet, I additionally welcome you to the new Webstation, which is now up for real. At the time the other commentary was written, it was planned that the site would be fully operational. Obviously, I timed it wrong and never bothered to fix the snafu. So if you really need me to pimp the site, then just read the other August entry where all the pimping is happening.

As of a few days prior, I'm a quarter-century old. Don't feel any different. I'm as indifferent and as depressed as I have ever been. And I'm sure you don't want to read about that sort of thing... even the regular audience who still do read my incessive ramblings.

So let's talk about the wrestling product... particularly ECW.

Anyone who has been a regular follower of these commentaries as of late already know my thoughts on the ECW product. Those thoughts were based on reading show results and various online commentaries. Now having seen the show, I can honestly say that the show is as funny as hell... but stand by my previous comments. That's about all I can say. There isn't going to be a long monologue about how the ECW ship is sinking in more ways than one (well, actually there is - I just don't feel like wasting my energy) because you can easily cull together all my previous ECW-esque comments and read them off there.

The Sci-Fi Network have been boasting the success of the ECW show, touting that the show had been consistent in its ratings and has been a fan. So if they're speaking so highly of the show, why haven't they announced a deal... if any?

So I picked up the ECW Bloodsport DVD, which is hyped to feature the most intense and violent matches. Admittingly, some of these matches tend to be squimish, but it's mostly a collection of really decent matches to show what ECW was all about. Does just about a better job than what the ECW matches on the Rise and Fall DVD did anyway... not that the matches on that DVD weren't bad.

I read a commentary just a short while ago that Hogan should retire. I posted said thoughts onto my blog:

I just read a commentary on InsidePulse pleading Hulk Hogan to retire and not make himself look like more of an ass. I've always been a firm believer than Hogan should retire, but never had it been more evident than watching him limp his way to the ring. If people thought Hogan was so dominating with his catlike reflexes last year, you'll be even more amazed if he could pull a semi-watchable match out of his ass.

Then I saw Summerslam (you can check out my predictions and match results on the blog or the site archives). Good God, even on a bum knee and the mobility of a rock (not that Rock, which I'll get to later), Hogan still wins the match against a guy who should have won. And let's face it: Randy Orton was right when he said he was screwed. Once again, Hogan uses the excuse of pimping his reality show as well as his daughter's music career (who only showed up ONCE on WWE television and was never heard from again) to get himself yet another win and yet another paycheck over a struggling guy a hundred years Hogan's junior who could have greatly benefitted from a win over arguably the biggest name of them all. Obviously, Hogan has other plans.

IWC members complain that guys like Triple H and Jeff Jarrett carry a lot of stroke in the wrestling industry, but they just PALE in comparison to the wonders of the 257-year Terry Bollea. Congrats on your win, Hulk. Now get your paycheck, get the hell out and don't come back, you old miserable excuse for a piece of shit. And then you wonder why Steve Austin doesn't want anything to do with you...

In a recent article, it's been noted that former People's Champ and wrestling Great One, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, is absolutely positively swear-to-God done with wrestling... has been for three years now. And of course, most wrestling sites have passed this off as news. I mean, come on. The guy's been out of the business for a few years ever since it was realized he couldn't save the Diva Search from being nothing more than a big stinking pile of monkey poop. Stop treating it like something recent or earth-shattering such as the news of Hulk Hogan hurting his knee by getting off the fucking couch.

Some are saying Vince is trying to get one last match out of the Rock, but you know what? The guy is comfortable with his current lifestyle, his current career, and hence sees no reason to return to the ring. As much as wrestling has made him into what he is today, he's pretty much done with it and unlike most other folks, can pretty much survive without it. Regardless of how many buildings Hogan might have sold out or how much money Austin has made during their heydays, there is no bigger success story in wrestling than Dwayne Johnson, because he was able to use his wrestling success and turn it into a solid acting career with a varied filmography under his belt and a bright future ahead. As much as I'd like to see him back in the ring hitting the People's Elbow on some poor jabroni, he doesn't need to come back.

And I think that's sort of Vince's problem when it comes to his wrestling product. He's just trying so hard to re-create what success he has with Rocky that everything he does comes off as stale and uninteresting. While John Cena is somewhat popular, he can never be what Austin or Rocky could be because they had something that made those guys appealing and interesting. Cena had this cool rapper gimmick that had him spin rhymes like no tomorrow. Even as a good guy wrestler, that gimmick could have and would have worked. Instead, they turn him into this "Chain-Gangbang" soldier and a rebel, defying authority. It was hip and cool when Austin did it, but Cena is just wagging his 1.5 centimeter tail here trying to recreate what is, quite simply, unrecreatable!

But I digress. Let's wait until Cena's movie comes out before we lay judgment.

Other than that huge plate of wrestling-related thoughts, nothing of special happened since we last "spoke". I got my brother a new flatscreen monitor for his birthday this past weekend and he seemed happy with it.

And on that note, I bid you adieu for another month or less.

Later,
Dave.

POSTSCRIPT
Just a quick addition. In addition to Bloodsport, I also picked up the recently released McMahon DVD entitled... McMahon. How fucking original. Since I'll be working on listing my video library to the site, I might as well get some reviews up. Rather than spoil my thoughts on McMahon here, I'll probably hold off until I get in a mindset to do a full-fledged review. I'll keep you posted.