WWE Summerslam 2010

You know, yesterday, I did a write-up on Summerslam 98. My first Summerslam. Man, that was a fun show. That got me in a good mood... And then my birthday happened... and everything went to shit.

So my misery is your misery... let's look at Summerslam 2010... because I hate you all.



The match between Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero) and Kofi Kingston ends with a run-in from the Nexus, a group of rookie wrestlers who were previously part of the newly-minted NXT program. No, not the NXT you see on the Network today; this was a competition where young fellows would partake in challenges and get voted off until there was only one man left standing... and that was Wade Barrett.

And then all those guys showed up on RAW and caused bloody havoc... and it was awesome, refreshing, and a sign of things to come... until you realize this is WWE, who were more than capable of fucking up running water... but I digress.

Oh, the match wasn't good. A pity because both guys were capable of so much better and yet... nothing here.

Melina defeated Divas Champion Alicia Fox to win the title. This was cited as Ariana "Cameron" Andrews' favorite match on her sole appearance on that Tough Enough show nobody likes, which resulted in that one GIF of Steve Austin's reaction. And after watching this match, I had a similar reaction... followed by this reaction:

Big Show defeated the Straight Edge Society (a fairly popular faction comprising CM Punk, Luke Gallows, and Joey Mercury) in a 3-on-1 Handicap match... although considering how Big Show... pardon me, how FUCKING BIG SHOW treated these guys like absolute jokes, you'd have to wonder who's really handicapped in this match. This would lead to a match somewhere down the line where FUCKING BIG SHOW would squash poor Punk like a geek... no wonder the guy's always bitter.

Randy Orton defeated WWE Champion Sheamus via DQ when Sheamus used a chair and the ref spotted it. A lame finish to an otherwise good match. Orton would win the title at the next PPV (Night of Champions) and face off against Sheamus in a rematch at Hell In A Cell... which really didn't need to be a Cell match, but at least it had a good finish. Like I said, this was a pretty good match. Sheamus was starting to feel more imposing and polished while Orton... well, Randy is Randy, I guess.

World Heavyweight Champion and future Mayor of Knox County, Tennessee KANE defeated Rey Mysterio to retain the title. Kane then tried to drag Rey into a casket he brought along, only for UNDERTAKER to pop up and thus Rey is quickly forgotten while the brothers fight and begin a feud that would span a few months and feature a bunch of truly horrible matches. Mind you, Kane and Undertaker might've had the best backstory in WWF history (until they ruined it, of course), but the matches have never been truly stellar. Speaking of never stellar, this title match is the usual big guy vs little guy type of scenario and is only slightly better than the matches that would follow.

And then we have the main event... this fucking main event...

So it's a big multi-man tag-team elimination match between the Nexus, comprising former NXT rookies Wade Barrett, David Otunga (yes, THAT David Otunga), Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater (yes, THAT Heath Slater), Darren Young, Michael Tarver, and Skip Sheffield (the future Ryback), going up again the WWE squad of John Cena, R-Truth, Chris Jericho, Edge, John Morrison, Bret "Hitman" Hart... yes, THAT Bret Hart who's 100 years old and post-concussion, post-stroke, can't move all that much, can't bump, can't do anything resembling a wrestling match worth watching because of his physical ailments yet they still made him the U.S. champion for a week... and one mystery partner.

Now the mystery partner they teased Miz going in, because the story there was he was going to wait until Summerslam to make his decision as to whether he was going to be the last man in and out he comes... but Cena says, "No, bro. We couldn't wait for your slow ass to make a decision, bro. So we got another jabroni, bro. And his name is Daniel Bryan."

Going back to that NXT invasion bit I mentioned at the top of this write-up... Bryan Danielson was a hot independent prospect who was signed to WWE and was part of the initial NXT show under the name Daniel Bryan... where he proceeded to lose every match until he eventually won one match and was cut from the show. Despite being cut from the show, he still found his way onto television. And when the Nexus thing happened, he was part of that assault. His involvement inspired a little video that I put together that is still my most watched video by a considerable margin. And then the next day, he was fired... because he choked Justin Roberts with his own tie and spat on John Cena; actions which were not quite PG.

And everybody was pissed.

So Bryan goes back to the indies, has a couple great matches with some local indy talent, teases a run at TNA under the name Lloyd Boner, and basically goes under the radar for a couple months before WWE decides to rehire him, make him the mystery seventh partner to really pop the crowd... and then spoil the whole thing on WWE.com.

So let me tell you folks something right here; Daniel Bryan Danielson's return to the ring was the only highlight on a Summerslam that was truly atrocious.

The match plays alright at first; some eliminations here and there, Bret Hart does a little more here than he did in his prior matches before hitting someone with a chair and getting DQ'ed... I guess he didn't want to put anyone over, derp. Then at some point, Miz comes out and causes Bryan to be eliminate, leaving John Cena as the sole member against three or four members of Nexus. He gets crapped on by Edge and Jericho, who were being dicks in general. And then... logically, Nexus should win the match in order to be made into a threat and a viable force until the next big event - possibly Survivor Series - and get some mileage while at the same time make some new big stars.\

Unfortunately, John Cena wasn't having any of that, decided to overcome the odds, and buried the Nexus by eliminating everyone and making Barrett tap to his STF submission.

Cuck Fena, indeed.

So, the main event sucked based on the finish alone and even if it had a good finish, what came before wasn't great... but at least if you had a good finish that involved Cena LOSING and we make big stars in the process (for the short term, at least), then all would be forgiven. But we didn't have a good finish. We had Cena overcoming the odds at a time when he shouldn't be overcoming odds... and this badass group of rookies were treated like total geeks.

Bad enough Summerslam 2010 sucked from the get-go with a pretty underwhelming series of matches, but then you tack on this bullshit? No wonder why my birthday was miserable.