Sunday, February 22, 2015

2269 - Quick WWE Fastlane Thoughts.

Quick Fast Lane talk, after the break

So there was a six-man tag-team match... fuck, when is there NOT a six-man tag match? So, Kane won it... Randy Orton came back... didn't care... I mean, you got Seth Rollins in there. He's supposed to be this hot commodity, so wouldn't it make sense for him to get the win rather than stale Kane and Little Show? So, I guess we're building towards Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins, right? You know, if that happens, I'd be okay with that. Hey, it makes sense in a way. Randy was the chosen one for the Authoritah, now Rollins is the new kid who puts Randy out of commission. Now Randy's back, looking for revenge, I could dig that...

Goldust defeats Stardust with a crucifix pin of all things, which is about the oddest way you could win a match these days... given that they usually like to toss in five hundred different finishers before eventually ending the match. Anyway, it was meh. That's all I got.

So Tyson Kidd and Cesaro beat the Usos to win the Tag-Team Titles... this was a fun little match. Nothing amazing or anything, but it was harmless. I kinda wish they had more tag-teams rather than just put two guys together and there's your team... but, anyway...

So they have the face off where Trips is doing all the talking and Sting is just standing there... because I guess his voice is a separate performer's contract. Anyway, they have a scuffle. Trips produces a sledgehammer, Sting produces a baseball bat, and uses it to point at the Wrestlemania sign (I was wondering if he'd get around to that) and Scorpion Deathdrops McSon In Law. I... I... fuck me, I guess I'm supposed to be excited that this is happening. I'm supposed to be hyped that Sting is going to have his first (and possibly, only) WWE match... and at Wrestlemania, no less... but... I don't really care... probably because it's too late for it to matter... probably because the match might not be as good or as epic as they're making it out to be... it's just... that's it, really. I don't care. There's no reason for me to care. And I think it's just a matter of this being too late. If Sting had shown up maybe five or ten years earlier, it would've been something. But at this point, at this juncture, it's simply too late.

Sting's old. Really old. It shows. There's no mystique. There's no intrigue. It's just an old guy in face paint tormenting the owner's son in law. And as much as they try to give this match a reason for existing, I can't buy into it. For me, this is more about Trip's ego than it is trying to deliver a dream encounter. As far as fans are concerned, there's only one dream encounter that merits Sting's appearance in WWE and even that's too late... because flip that coin, Taker's old. Really old. It shows. He could barely move. So that match was going to be a disaster of biblical proportions. Suitable for a Heroes of Wrestling show... not a Wrestlemania. But that's just me.

Nikki Bella defeats Paige to retain the Divas Title with a handful of tights. And I don't care.

Intercontinental champion Wade Bad News Barrett retains the title over Dean Ambrose as a result of a DQ when Ambrose wouldn't stop pounding on Barrett in the corner... as lame of a finish as that was, at least it was something normal and not stupid like, oh I don't know, a flying rabbit strikes Ambrose in the face and paralyzes him for five hours or something. Anyway, Ambrose steals the belt and I'm wondering if this is going to lead to a rematch between these two; possibly a street fight or ladder match or something where they can really go at each other because I was actually paying attention, this match had me, but it felt like they could've done more than what they were allowed. Hopefully, they get another shot at it because I like this pairing. I don't care who wins; I just want to see these guys go at it because they go well together.

SO they have the Druids come out, teasing an Undertaker return. They pull out the casket and I'm thinking "It's Bray Wyatt." They park the casket, open it up, and of course, it's Bray Wyatt... he cuts a promo to build towards his eventual match with Taker... that I wish didn't happen because... what's the point? Streak's over. Ship's sailed. Why do we care about Taker? Now, setting that piece of business aside, I liked this segment... if only because it finally sold me on the goods of Bray Wyatt. I wasn't the biggest Bray Wyatt fan out there; thought he was alright, but never got into the gimmick, still had that ghost of Husky Harris haunting his persona, but this is where it finally clicked. I don't know why and I don't know how, but all I know is that I see Bray Wyatt and I'm actually looking forward to his story. This thing with Taker doesn't do anything for me, but who knows?

Rusev defeats John Cena via submission and a low blow to retain the United States title. Hell, here's another pleasant surprise. I actually quite enjoyed this match, which is built around a rather tried-and-true story of the dominating foreign villain being pitted against the all-American good guy. And the fact that Cena DIDN'T overcome the odds made it somewhat of a surprise and the right thing for them to do... for once. Rusev got the big win under his belt, he still has that undefeated streak, he's still that menacing figure, and even though it was Cena passing out because of the ball shot, it didn't make Rusev look weak or anything. So maybe they're doing the rematch at Mania and Cena is probably going to win there and I'd have no problem with that because then it would make sense. So... if this keeps going, I'm looking forward to it. But again... depends on whether they do the rematch at Mania.

And in a predicament everyone saw coming, Roman Reigns defeated Daniel Bryan to cement his no.1 contendership and to confirm that, yes, we're get Reigns vs. Brock at Wrestlemania 31 for the WWE Title... crowd didn't care, by the way. They were mostly apathetic at the whole thing... even with the handshake at the end, it wasn't a positive or even reception reaction... the match was pretty good, actually. Bryan did his thing, Roman did his thing, there was some good back-and-forth action, really could've gone either way, but Roman reigns supreme at the end. So... they're sticking with Roman as their guy. And that's a good thing because that's what they should be doing; pick a guy that they want to push and make their next big thing and STICK with it. DOn't backtrack or change plans. Just stay the course. I'm not sold on Reigns, but they got five weeks to make him interesting and, hey, if nothing else, it'd be nice to have the top title in the hands of someone who isn't a fucking part-timer or an old-timer... just saying.

All in all, not a bad show, but not a remarkable one. Had some decent stuff, but that's about it. Crowd in general, though, was pretty bad. That's all I'll say.

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