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Monday, May 13, 2013

1405 - Horrible "Poetry"


Although the webpage that held these "works" is dated 2006, I can honestly confirm that they were written long before that time, when I was at an absolute lowpoint in life. Some of it is obscene, a bit of it might even be somewhat offensive, but all of it is depressing. If you don't like being depressed, don't follow the break and check out a bunch of other stuff on this site. For the brave souls willing to venture, I commend you, but make no promises about either your sanity or state of mind coming out of this intact.




DAVE'S POETRY
The following pieces of "poetry" mean absolutely nothing. They simply convey my boredom.

i climb the snowy hill on my way home from the shop
i view the white surface and peaceful horizon
i say to myself, this is a beautiful sight
i could stand here all day and admire the view
then reality hits: i'm fucking freezing here!
man, i hate winter

---

let's begin the journey
the journey of self-discovery
the journey of purification
the journey of emotional stability
the journey of inner passion
the journey of... damn
maybe that last glass wasn't a good idea after all!

---

Contrary to what Pink Floyd's album says
I wish you WEREN'T here!

---

Joe OneBuck wasn't really someone poor
He was a rich kid posing as someone poor
The plan was to lure a girl in
using only his charming good looks
The plan didn't work
because no girl in the world would go out
with a guy who really was worth a buck!

---

blank
blank
i'm drawing blanks...
cause my mind's gone dry...
Oh wait...
Here's something...

---

i am not that bold.
there's nothing to hold.
yip. yip. yip.
have some dip.
i don't care how.
just shoot me now.
da little kids come in herds.
makes me want to drop a turd.
man this thing's slow.
what a low blow.
kids need their heads to go pop.
to get into a stupid top.
while they check out cards.
we'll whack them real hard.
let us give them big boo-boos.
'cause they're a bunch of yay-hoos.
oh boy. this thing is jam.
oh joy. makes me go blam.
i'd love to read the newspaper.
but i need toilet-paper.
the herds continue to whurl.
as we continue to hurl.
i like to say i'm an uncaring man.
but sadly i am not Vince McMahon.
somebody dropped a ball!
why can't they go to a mall?!
you have a need to harass
I've the need to kick your ass
don't bother me with your Beyblade
i slash you with my own blade
I'll be on my way
so GO AWAY...

---

I've tried to be a nice guy...
but I couldn't really care less...
so many people...
not much demand...
why are there people here?
buy something, for god's sake
then be gone!

---

Superman took a dive and got killed...
Only to be brought back to life...
If only he saw the crowd that's here...
He would start to think to himself...
Maybe I should have stayed dead...

---

The classic rock that is not so...
The new rock that seems lame...
The archaic rock that's starting to rot
The nonsense rock that isn't rock
The all-new Chump
$9.97 a piece

---

The birds...
Agh...
The birds...
Getting slower...
and slower...
and slower...
Oh God...
End the misery...
Oh wait...
Take out that Star Trek: Insurrection DVD
That's better!

---

The plot...
Agh...
The plot...
Getting duller...
and dumber...
and...
Snore...
Snore...
Oh wait...
Burn Marville!
Burn the motherfucker DOWN!!!

---

Ugh... Ow... Aiiee...
Pow... Blam... Thud...



Enlightening stuff. If you made it all the way through,
I am honestly not sure whether to praise you or pity you...
But in any case, you survived...

Barely.

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