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Saturday, July 9, 2011

460 - Classic Bite Commentary: February 23rd, 2003

(2015 Update: Another video down the drill. Another hole filled with a Classic Bite Commentary from over a decade ago. As per the case with these things, bold comments reflect modern thoughts.)


Hey kids. Tonight is the WWE's pay-per-view live from Montreal. That's right. There's a WWE pay-per-view event in my backyard for the first time since Survivor Series 97. It isn't the first televised event that I'm not attending. However, it IS the first time that such a scenario doesn't bother me.

The first time I saw a WWF house show was in late-99. We (two cousins and myself) had to get our tickets from scalpurs, but it didn't really matter. We made it, we were able to see the action, albeit from a questionable distance, but it was good enough for me. After all, it was my first show.

Most of that show was interesting; a local French rap group opened up the show, some fat bastard at ringside and his huge sign saying "Mr. McMahon, I want to be a Wrestler." almost got nose-to-nose with the late Davey Boy Smith (god rest his soul), some girl won an ass contest (don't ask), and the Rock insulted the roody-poo out of some jabroni that claimed that "Rocky sucks". The matches themselves were decent; not top-notch quality, but what did you expect from a house show that has a world title match between the Big Show and the Big Bossman? Although I probably missed it because of the distance, the infamous "Penis Suplex" happened on that show (if you don't get that reference, I suggest you read Mick Foley's second best-seller "Foley Is Good And The Real World Is Faker Than Wrestling" as it is a good read).

A couple of months later, another house show was held and we went to that one too. The main event for this show was a Four Corners Steel-Cage match for the WWF World Heavyweight Title. The participants were The Big Show (we sat closer than before; this guy is BIG and SLOW), Kane (still a brooding wrestler), the Rock, and Triple H, who was champ at the time (although the difference between Triple H 2000 and Triple H 2002/3 is that HHH 2000 was actually that damn good). It was a good card for what it's worth.

For the next several shows that passed here (most of them were RAWs or Smackdowns), I didn't show up. I always wanted to have my mug on TV, but no money, no five seconds of fame. Now, with a PPV coming, I know I'm not gonna be there, but I'm not as disappointed as I was in the past. Is it because no one is willing to shell out three-four hundred bucks just to be on PPV that will be sub-standard at best?

Could be.

On tonight's card, three major WWE stars return to active competition. That should be good news, right? Scott Steiner and Triple H Round II for the World title; Big Poppa Pump should get the title, right? No possible way that this card could be screwed up by shitty booking, right?

If you have been following WWE these past few months, you should know better.

I know this may seems negative. It seems that way to me as well. I really want these guys to do well and get out of the gutter that they're currently in. Unfortunately, they aren't heading towards the right direction. Playing stupid with the fans and blaming their "knowing the business" for the company's current predicament is outrageous. Having a washed-up wrestler who is ENGAGED to the HEAD of the creative team be able to push himself over other superstars is ridiculous. Sticking potential main-eventers in mid-card angles that do nothing but hurt their value instead of placing them in the top spots they rightfully deserve is hysterical.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; whatever happen to WWE's philosophy of creating NEW superstars and NEW storylines and NEW main events. What we're getting right now is the same guys that we have seen years ago. What we're getting is WCW in a different skin. Hulk Hogan is not the answer. The Rock is not the answer. Steve Austin is not the answer (although most people will disagree). Triple H, sure as hell, isn't the answer. It's time to make new main-eventers. If Mania X9 is headlined by Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle, it is certainly a step in the right direction. If it's headlined by Triple H vs. Jobber #3019348120, then I may step in and buy the company. And believe me, it'll probably be worth less than a paltry $2.5 million.

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I managed to catch a brief episode of Ninja Storm. One is an idiot, the other's an airhead, and the last one's another idiot. That's your current cast of Rangers this year? Sigh... and to think I was too hard on Wild Force!

The production was actually pretty good. The splicing of japanese and new zealand scenes is dead-on that other than the slightly obvious differences, you can't tell them apart. As long as the heroes end up maturing, this could be a good first effort under the new production team responsible for this stuff.

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Nothing particularly enlightning this week-end. A pile of snow has fallen upon us last night and I have to go shovel it (after this report). I see these reports from some U.S. cities about piles of snow falling on them, citing them to be "blizzard-like conditions" or something to that effect. I see the pictures and I declare, TRY LIVING HERE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS AND SEE HOW MUCH YOU CRY THEN!! To you people, it's "blizzard-like conditions." But to me, it's just another day of winter. I think a Lance Storm reason to be proud to be Canadian (cited from an old copy of the Wrestler magazine; genuine quote? who knows?) says it best: our cities don't shut down just because an inch of snow falls.

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So until Hulk Hogan is arrested for possessing weapons of mass destruction, I bid you adieu...

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